Look, I know there are many other problems we could focus on right now, but you can look at any old news source for those.
No no, if anything, I’m dedicated to covering the trivial but highly impactful issues that we face as parents – “How to get poop stains off carpets” and “The pros and cons of using pegs as a discipline technique“. All very hard hitting pieces that every mother asks as they rock themselves to sleep in the corner at night. Basically I’m here to stoop to the depths of crazy so you don’t have to. Just joking, if you have kids, you’ll get there too – bring Nik Naks and we can hide in the bathroom together.
Seriously though, there are some problems that have been annoying the heck out of me recently. All very much “First World Problems” even though we technically live in a 3rd World country. Go figure.
Like having to give the school exact money (in labeled envelopes) for outings/fundraisers/shows/every other way they extort money out of us. First off, who even carries cash on them anymore? I certainly don’t. Having to find R212 to be divided up over three kids in three envelopes is just not going to happen. Ever. So stop asking.
Do you want nice things? Well I have a news flash for you because you can’t have nice things! Or like me you have to hide nice things away and only wear them on date nights where no sticky green hands will come anywhere near your new white dress. Oh and that uncomfortable couch that you’ve had for 10 years? Don’t even think of replacing it, unless you like throwing away R20 000. Just make yourself comfortable in the hole where the cushion used to be and get on with it.
You could smell them a mile away, so after catching them, holding them down and changing your kids butt (who seems oblivious to the smell and would rather continue to walk around like a roaming trashcan than have their bottom cleaned) and 2 minutes later they make a poop up to their ears. Do I even need to elaborate here?
We have the privilege of having a car to get them from home to school to the shop and everywhere else. Getting them in and out of cars seats is pretty much like trying to get myself in and out of my skinny jeans. We’ve spoken about this before, I’m still traumatised.
Let’s not even talk about feeding the ungrateful chop heads. Uh, I mean sweet cherubs. There is nothing that makes my heart happier than carefully selecting healthy, nutritious (read: expensive) ingredients, spending hours making sure that I follow the recipe to a T and then arranging it pleasingly on their plates. I serve it to them and all I hear is a very sweet, “Ew, I don’t want to eat this”. Happy, happy heart guys – the happiest of hearts.
Then there’s wanting to expose your gifted little spuds to all the World has to offer, you name it and they’re trying it – ballet, swimming, karate, playball, Kindermusiek, yodeling. Besides the small bond that you have to take out to pay for it all, there’s the logistical nightmare of getting everyone everywhere on time. And then they “don’t feel like going today” and you have to restrain yourself from yodeling them into the fetal position.
But guys sometimes they are really cute and you really do love spending time with them. Sometimes the moment is SO good that you want to take a picture so that you can remember it forever (mostly to look back on while they are throwing the most epic tantrum to remind yourself that there ARE good times). And your phone is dead.
What about that party that you have been planning with them for months in advance? Making sure they are on board with the theme, crafting up a storm and making sure your party is so Pinterest worthy it’s about to vomit designer place settings and then someone else does the same theme a week before your party. Or still on the party note, your kids gets an amazing party pack and although you can appreciate all the effort (and money) that went into it, it’s filled with sugar and a side of MSG.
And my ultimate is sleep. It’s a precious commodity. One that you do pretty much anything for. So when your child is so comfy in their car seat (that they fought tooth and nail to get into) and they fall asleep. At 4pm. Also known as THE WORST TIME EVER to fall asleep – you can basically cancel any plans that you had that evening. And once you’ve finally got your peacefully sleeping babe cradled in your arms, you realise that your phone is just out of your reach…