Learning To Trust My Gut

 

I’ve been a mother for close on 8 years now.  Which means I should be pretty in touch with that maternal gut instinct right?  You know that one that comes the moment that baby is placed in your arms.  The whole “eyes at the back of your head, knowing what they’re doing every second of the day” – vibe should be ingrained in my bones by now.

But it’s not.

In my case anyway.

Yesterday I had two troubling bits of feedback for two out of three of my children.  That’s more than half guys.  If this were a test, I’d be failing it.

I don’t really want to elaborate on what it was exactly because I don’t want my kids to look back on this one day and hate me, but suffice to say that they were struggling in certain areas and I was none the wiser.  I’m sure that if I look back on it in hindsight, I will roll my eyes at myself.  Like, why am I making such a big issue out of nothing, but right now at this moment it feels big.  So I’m going to work through it.

Honestly I took the feedback hard, as I think all mothers do.  If someone is not saying lovely things about your children the natural instinct is to get our backs up and defences out!  That was me.  Except all internally because I don’t do confrontation.  And it really wasn’t a confrontation matter anyway, they were just expressing concerns in a loving way.  I just felt down because it was my own flesh and blood as the topic.

Now, I think you should know something about me.  Or more so, about us.  We are not the over-reacting type of folk.  It takes a lot of convincing for me to feel like I need to act on other peoples opinions.  Take the physio and speech therapy that they’ve been recommending for Knox.  They started telling me about that 3 years ago.  I only actually got Knox into Physio at the end of last year and Speech only this year.  Because not everything needs action right away.  For example we were similarly told that Kyla has low muscle tone and needs to go to Physio but she is basically a gymnast now – doing things so crazy on the monkey bars I’m scared to look.  All she needed was a bit of time to get herself there.  We gave Knox the time, we reassessed and then decided to intervene.  Each situation is different.

We took a judgement call based on our gut feelings at the time and it worked out for her.  And the same for Knox and the physio and speech.

But in this case, I’m not sure what my gut is telling me to do.

And really, it’s far too early to do anything anyway.  I think (after hashing it out with Seth last night), we’re going to go our usual route and watch, wait and see what happens.

What’s really eating at me,is that I actually feel a little blindsided by this feedback.  With the other things I knew it was coming, but with this I didn’t really think it was an issue.  Now I am at a point that I just want to do it for them.  But I can’t.  They’re their own people.  They have to learn and grow and make mistakes along the way.  We as parents, just need to be available and aware of any potential issues as they crop up and figure out how to deal with them as they come.

So again, there’s no real resolve here.  But I just had to get it out because if I don’t write about it, I can’t move on.

Time to move on.  Onwards and upwards I say.

20 thoughts on “Learning To Trust My Gut

  1. Sometimes they do have to go through these things by themselves with our guiding and loving support. They do come out of it stronger. If we are too protective over our kids I do believe the universe does provide them with ways to learn to more adaptable, stronger and more independent. What I do is coach them through various scenarios on what to do in a potential situation.

  2. We do exactly the same thing and 9 times out of 10 it was worth the wait. We’re currently waiting it out with Jude-just over 2 years old and not talking a full word besides “mom” and “daddy”. So, gutt talks to hubby, hubby confirms what gutt is feeling-onward and upward we go 👍🏽 You’ll know how to manage it exactly the way you were designed to-today’s pressures and assessments can be a little to earth shattering for absolutely no reason. You’re their mom and you’ll know how to move with it. Hugs and a fist bump Cindy #boomyougotthis

    • Thank goodness for husbands am I right?! I don’t think I would cope without having someone who knows our children as intricately as I do to chat things over with.

  3. I’m sorry whatever was said has thrown you but you will figure this out like you’ve figured everything else out as well. Hang in there, you got this!

  4. Don’t be too hard on yourself momma – I hope that you trust your gut and make a decision you feel is best.
    We as parents are not perfect – I think we learn as we go along. Strongs xoxo

  5. Adulting and parenting are HARD! no-one ever tells you that part of it all.
    with that said – I agree, go with your gut… give your kids time. They develop at thier own speed and bring a different element to your family.

    Good luck with whatever it is… this too shall pass.

    Mo xx

  6. I can so relate to this post. It’s really hard receiving feedback we don’t really want to hear. We have our meeting with my son’s teacher in a few weeks, I’m feeling anxious about it and hoping all goes well.

    • The thing I keep telling myself is that the teachers are telling us out of love and concern for our kids – they only want to help them. But at the end of the day we have to make the choice as to how to proceed. I’m sure that your meeting will go well no matter what they say – you know your kid and what’s best for him!

  7. Yes, been there. Got the not so good feedback from a teacher as well. I make a point of chatting to other moms, and it seem pretty standard these days to mention concerns they have and often to recommend whatever therapy applies.
    It seems to me that kids these days need to fit into some kind of predetermined version of the perfect student for that grade, and what ever does not fit needs to be worked on. Whether that is good or bad I actually don’t know. I guess we can be grateful that teachers are picking up problems much earlier and that they let us know and recommend a course of action. I feel though that its up to us to decide if we want to take action or adopt a wait and see approach. Within a grade, the age can vary by almost a year, we can’t expect them to all be the same or move at the same pace.
    Anyway, like you said, no resolve here. Just don’t feel alone!

    • Thanks so much for this comment and you are so right! Their ages can vary almost a whole year from one another! Especially for a child born later in the year – he can’t be expected to be at exactly the same spot as one almost a year older.

  8. Sorry Cinds, none of us like experiencing these difficult situations but often, it is a great parenting lesson (only when we look back on it one day). Maternal gut instinct is strong but not always the answer either!
    Thinking of you x

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