Since I was left at home to study today – only to find that I left my blasted study notes at work last night (I originally wrote this last Friday – work with me please), I treated myself to some uninterrupted blog reading. I have been following the blog of Kayla Aimee for a while now and I spent the morning reading this post: http://www.kaylaaimee.com/scarlettes-story/nicu-journal/. How heart breaking it is to read about all of the real and scary trials this tiny little baby had to face every day, and then to read it from a Mom’s perspective while she is trying to keep it all together.
What shocked me a bit is the amount of times that she had to address the tirade of emails that she was getting, which suggested to try a new possible solution or to scold her about their decision to use formula instead of breast milk (which they did out of necessity not choice). The fact that people could really send her emails saying breast is best etc and bombarding her with messages in this line is appalling to me. She was dealing with potentially losing her daughter (praise the Lord that didn’t happen) and people were giving her the impression that she was a bad mom for not sticking out the breast milk. Seriously!?! I mean, really?!?!
I also came across this blog http://randycourtneytripproth.blogspot.com/2011/11/lot-of-catching-up-to-do.html that literally made my a crying mess! Oh how stupid people can be.
It reminded me how easily we judge one another in almost every situation we find ourselves in, but especially in motherhood. It has become a competitive world of how beautiful your baby room is, what toys/clothes/books/nappies/formula/wipes/cereal your kid has, what school/play groups/swimming lessons/art parties/dance classes they attend? Do you stay at home or do they go to play school etc. People just assume that their way is the only way… And if you do not conform to their way – you’re doing it wrong.
And sometimes the judgement comes as part of a well intentioned comment, not intended to cause hurt or a feeling of inadequacy – but it does. These thoughts have been playing around in my mind a lot for the last couple of weeks, but now reading this just confirmed how hurtful we can be without intending to be – even if we think we can justify why our way is the right way.
I will be the first to admit that I all too often fall into this category – if we are at the Waterfront at 9pm and there is a little 1 year old running around I’ll be like “Oh my goodness, look at that! He should be asleep!!”. Who am I to say that? Maybe the parents planned a late afternoon sleep so they could enjoy a night out on their holiday? Who knows! The moral of the story is that we do not know the person’s situation – yet we are quick to judge.
Since I have become aware of how often I have done this in the past, I am making a conscious decision to refrain from making assumptions or forcing my opinion on people. Unless asked by someone for advice I am trying hard to not give it to them anyway. So there’s a thought to chew on… How can we be more loving and accommodating to others in similar situations to our own?
These are Seth’s thoughts…
I agree Cinds. Like totes pash about this delems. I was just thinking about this earlier when I went to put Kyla back to sleep. As usual I role play a convo in my head. Some crazy bare footed woman coming up to me and being all up in my grizzel about not sleep training our kids and not letting your child be a natural animal creature, tossed out the nest to deal with the killer meerkats of life. I picture this, and I see myself tuning her one like ” According to who? “. Is ja, straight in her gafriet! Cos it’s mos according to her, and she is not now me. So in my mind she is all like speechless and stuff and I’m like “Guchoo”.