I’ve probably seemed quite negative around these here blog parts over the last couple of weeks and despite my word for the year being “positive” I sometimes struggle to maintain that.
All things considered things are actually going really well. Really, really well! There really should be no reason for any trace of negativity from my side. Not one bit. But yet I can’t help but feel that I am potentially on the brink of what can either go the way of the Ugly Cry or the way of the Burnout (although I’m not sure which one is better). With big decisions and exciting things in life comes great responsibility.
When I had a chance to sit and reflect about what was making me feel so down all the time I realised that all this stress with the house buying/moving/not moving/3 kids/2 dogs/work is finally getting to me. I thought I could handle more, but I think the ulcer that is building in my tummy is telling me no. (In fact I am pretty sure I heard him screaming this morning.) There is a constant humming in my head of all of the many things that I need to do, all the what if’s and the but’s and the feeling of uncertainty. And the feeling of losing control. I hate not being in control.
The house is one of the main players in this crazy fiasco that is now our lives – these extreme highs when it all seems to be falling into place and extreme lows as soon as there’s a slight change that changes whether this is even going to happen or not.
I guess it helps that I can at least identify the fact that if we don’t get some kind of resolution soon I may just spontaneously combust from it all. Or at the very least, that I will have to give a name to the family of knots that have moved into my back (I may just be inspired by the little Price – George, James, Richard?).
But then I take a moment to sit.
And I’m good to go again.
I spend some time with this gorgeous little dude or sing silly songs with “the sisters” or get lost in an episode of Dexter or New Girl with Seth and suddenly seem to feel more in control. More at ease. More centred.
It’s so easy to lose myself in things that are trivial in the bigger scheme of things. So easy indeed. And so I have decided that I am handing it over to Jesus and He can be in control. It took me too long to get this point. But I’m there now. And I’m grateful for it.
And here’s some more pics of the gorgeousness, cos I can…