There was a time in my life when I used to be scared of being alone at home with my kids. Every moment, from the time I got home at 2.30 till the time we put the kids to bed, is something that I used to dread going home to every single day.
I guess that’s not a normal thing to admit, but it’s the truth. There, I said it.
It’s not that they were crazy out of control children, or that they had any issues, or anything that I can really put my finger on, but I couldn’t help but feel that way. If anything, the only thing I can vaguely rationalise is that I had wanted to be a Mom for so long and now that it had happened, I didn’t want to stuff up the opportunity that I had been blessed with.
Although on second thoughts, three kids in three years is a kind of chaos that you can’t really understand unless you are deep in those trenches. Just thinking about those early years still makes a little knot in my tummy.
Those years are over now.
We have moved into this space where I can’t wait to leave the office in the afternoon and almost run in the door to see my kids – even if they run and hide from me or sometimes totally ignore me completely. I actually enjoy spending time with them and would rather do that than almost anything else.
Now quality time together only involves a few bum changes and force feedings and bottle makings and medicine givings and toilet remindings. I can generally cook without a little person tripping me up or trying to burn their fingers off on the stove. And above all of this, we can have real conversations. Like proper ones! Ones that make your heart pop.
Just the other night I was sitting with the girls as they were falling asleep, in the dark, still silence Kyla’s little voice asked, “Mommy, who is in charge of the World?” Stumped more that she was thinking about these things than the question, I answered that God was in charge of our World.
A few minutes later she asked, “When is it God birthday?” Again, I stalled at the thoughts in her head. “I don’t know when Gods birthday is, but Jesus’ birthday is on Christmas day”.
A few seconds later, Riya exclaimed, “Mommy you know… God makes babies! He makes them in heaven, then he puts them in your heart and then they move down to your tummy hey Mama?”
And basically, you can’t get any better than moments like those.