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3 Kids, 2 Dogs and 1 Old House

From Mom

Pulling The Race Card

21 March 2015
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When I was little, you’d probably have found me in my room playing elaborate games with my dolls or with the rest of the kids in our road, riding our bikes like we were part of some international biker spy gang.  It was marvelous – that feeling of running and playing without a care, the only worry we had was being forced to say goodbye when the street lights came on.

Did I notice that some of my friends had a different skin colour to me or that my absolute favourite doll (Bobby) was “black”?  Obviously I did.  I’m not freaking blind you know.  But did that matter?  Not a damn.

My parents tried their hardest to instill in us that we shouldn’t be treating people differently because of their skin colour.  And so we didn’t.  In fact I didn’t even know that racism was a thing until I experienced it first hand.

We went to a public school in our neighbourhood that was open to all – even though it was in the early 90’s.  I made friends with people that had different cultural and religious backgrounds and a wide variety of skin colours.  Those relationships were formed because we had something in common, we laughed together or it was just who we gravitated towards at the time, it had nothing to do with any of our backgrounds.

It wasn’t until Grade 3 where a fellow pupil persistently and tirelessly started calling me nasty names based on my skin colour, that I found out what being racist was all about and how much it hurt to be on the receiving end of those senseless words.  It still brings this weird feeling of dread to my tummy just thinking about it.  Back then it made me so ill that for a long period of time I just stopped going to school altogether.

Normally in situations like this it’s easy to take the same approach as the perpetrator.  To retaliate with the same hurtful words or harmful actions is more natural to our inherent human nature than to stand up against it.

I could have taken that stance all of those years ago but what is that going to solve?  Thankfully with the help of my family and teachers we worked it out and instead of it having a negative effect on how I approached “colour” moving forward, it did the opposite.

8 Years ago on this very day, I married my best friend.  One who has loved me despite my flaws, my all to frequent moods swings and the fact that untidiness is my natural gift.  And I love him for his random sense of humour, how much he values time with our kids and how we can be our “real” selves with each other.  Together we have weathered the storms of parenting three children, moving house, death of parents and just the everyday trials that sharing life together brings.  There is no one else that I would choose to do life with.

Did I notice that he has a different skin colour to me?  Of course I did.  But do I care?  Not a damn!

There is SO much more that I can say on this topic, but a lot of it was covered by Mayor Patricia de Lille in her speech at the City of Cape Town this morning.  I urge you to stop letting racism be something that we just accept.  It’s not acceptable.  Let’s stand up for freedom and equality – let’s stand up for what’s right.  If you want to be part of the change make sure to keep an eye on the City of Cape Town on Facebook and Twitter or Mayor Patricia de Lille on Facebook and Twitter.  CLICK THE PICTURE BELOW TO TAKE THE PLEDGE!

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Pulling The Race Card was last modified: March 21st, 2015 by 321Blog
anti-racismCape TownCity of Cape TownMayorPatricia de LilleraceracismSouth Africa
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21 comments

caffeineandfairydust 21 March 2015 at 11:50 AM

I love this! I was brought up te same way – living on a farm un the middle of nowhere my best friends were Xhosa and Zulus… I have never understood racism. It makes me sick. My mom always said- The colour of your skin os not the colour of your heart ❤️

Reply
Vanessa 21 March 2015 at 1:11 PM

Apologies for the essay here. I tried best to shorten it. It has taken me a long time to be confident of my right to challenge racism where I encountered it. I had chosen a form of quiet ” let’s not draw attention to us” because as a family we stand out a bit. We sometimes joke that we look a bit like the United Nations of Benetton but it’s the subtler forms of racist stereotyping and bigotry that are annoying. Like the assumption that my Asian daughter should be able to do Maths (cos all Asian’s can), or the saleswoman at Edgars who without asking sprayed my younger daughters hair with some curl spray cos you should really put more conditioner on her hair. Well meaning, but invasive. My worst experience was when my now 15 year old was about 2 and we were at a busy Waterfront Restaurant and my daughter played the game of drop stuff our of her pram and laughed each time it got picked up. A woman, sitting at a nearby table, said something along the lines of ” you Chinese with your little empresses”. I am not Chinese but Polynesian heritage lends itself to that assumption. But of course my clearly Chinese child blurs those lines for a numble of people. As a child, my family left Rondebosch when I was about 7 years old after having avoided the implications of the Group Areas Act for a long time. My parents were of different races ( read White and Indian/Polynesian) and when we finally moved and left my wonderful grandmother to live in a less green and serviced community, it came as a big shock to us. White kids had teased us in Rondebosch, and on entering our new suburb/township coloured kids teased us!

I recently had cause to quietly and gently challenge a Groote Schuur High student who did not realise that I was the mother or the student walking ahead of her. She had been comfortably sharing her negative comments with a fellow student. She did not know my daughter but they were both attending an afternoon class at Frank Joubert Art School and my daughter is chronically shy and therefore does not speak to anyone without them talking to her. The Groote Schuur girl was a bit taken aback and mortified and then said “sorry aunty”. I did not identify myself as the mother of the girl she was being negative about, I simply asked her why they thought what they’re were saying was ok.

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Megan Kelly Botha 21 March 2015 at 6:03 PM

Congratulations on 8 years, you two!

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catjuggles 23 March 2015 at 9:07 AM

You know what – I never noticed until I read it on your blog at some stage. I think we have come far in this country – we need to push it that one step further now. And that diversity in genes certainly makes the most beautiful children ever!

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reneof4 23 March 2015 at 11:10 AM

Why do i often read / stumble across stories about white people saying how much they embrace the nations and pour out their hearts in kumbajaness? I have never seen it documented the other way round. Do whites feel it is necessary to declare this as opposed to *i wonder* what other colorful people think / say.

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Cassan Ferguson 23 March 2015 at 2:14 PM

Great post !

I’ve always been pleasantly surprised that people have never commented on mine and husbands our marriage . The race card has never come up , I’m not sure if it’s because people don’t realise that about Rasheed because he is quite fair skinned . But none the less it’s never ever crossed my mind since being with him for the last ten years .

I love him inside and out and can’t wait to grow old with him <3

There's someone special for everyone x

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Caley 23 March 2015 at 3:19 PM

Beautifully written x

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Gaelyn Cokayne 23 March 2015 at 7:13 PM

Love!

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chevslife 23 March 2015 at 9:54 PM

Beautiful pics and lovely post! I was exposed to racism for the first time when I went to high school and it came from my peers who are the same colour as me…quite bizarre!

Reply
That Time I Felt Like The Worst Mother, Like Ever | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 24 March 2015 at 7:06 AM

[…] this is something I can understand.  I mentioned the other day that when I was in primary school I stayed home a lot.  What I didn’t really say, is that to me, I actually felt an incredible pain in my tummy […]

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Behinds The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Stephanie Knapp | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 3 April 2015 at 6:20 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – The Quickfalls | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 10 April 2015 at 7:03 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Melanie Blignaut | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 17 April 2015 at 7:04 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Tami Magnin | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 24 April 2015 at 7:05 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Cassey Toi | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 1 May 2015 at 6:06 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Religion Family – Jo Borril | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 8 May 2015 at 6:15 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Claire Soobramoney | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 15 May 2015 at 7:27 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Lauren Manuel | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 22 May 2015 at 7:10 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Peta Layne | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 29 May 2015 at 7:00 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Janine Roberts | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 29 May 2015 at 7:06 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Sharon Van Wyk | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 5 June 2015 at 6:49 AM

[…] racism in every shape and form – from issues with mixed race parents or cross racial adoption to being asked to write about it on Heritage Day.  There is just so much that we could say on the topic as it’s still […]

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