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3 Kids, 2 Dogs and 1 Old House

From Mom

Here I Go Again

25 May 2015
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Walking through the winding corridors felt a bit like willingly walking into quick sand.  Sign after sign, urging me to go further in, around more corners, down long passages, past door after door of people specialising in different things.  Oh there’s my plastic surgeon.   There’ s baby being cradled in his Moms arms in the Neurosurgeons office – how awful, don’t think about it, you can’t start crying already.  The deeper in I got, the more I realised that I probably won’t be able to find my way out of there.

Finally at the Doctors office I proceeded to fill in my lifes details and wait, mind racing with all the possibilities of what she might have to say to me.  I sat there, going over all the details that I needed to tell her, willing myself not to break down in tears and embarrass myself before I even said a word.

Then I was there, in the chair, rambling on and on about my history.  “I was a pretty average teenager you know, just regular run of the mill pimples.  So I went on the pill.  It seemed to help but then by the time I got married it had started to make me crazy.  I used to get so angry that I could feel the blood boiling under my skin.  I was going crazy.  So I went off and, well, we had a baby.  My skin went freaking crazy.  My gyne gave me some topical lotions and potions to put on and although it didn’t really work, after I had the baby my skin went back to normal.  Until 3 months later when I was pregnant again. Yeah.  I know.  Then my skin when flipping ballistic.  After that baby it started to stabilise again but after we had our third baby a couple of years later it went nuts and then NEVER went back to normal. Oh, yeah, that’s right, I have three babies.  So then I went to a dermie, he have me more potions.  They never worked.  Then I changed my diet and then I went to a homeopath.  And then I went on antibiotics.  And then I cried.  And then I went on Roaccutane for 28 weeks last year.  But it’s back.  Promising to be worse than before, and I just can’t anymore.”

Ah, there’s the tears.

After sitting on the table and exposing the red, raw and pimply skin, she looked at the cyst that was busy forming another ear underneath my current one and said, “There are so many routes that we could go.  You’ve done all of them already.  The last resort and the only one that we know will give you results is Roaccutane.  Some people need to go on a second or third course, and genetically it seems that you are one of those people.”

Great.

Off I went to Pathcare, fighting back tears that were desperate to fall.  Managed not to fully succumb to a full on break down while they took blood – just to test my liver function and to ensure that I was not already pregnant.

But by the time I got to the car the tears were falling thick and fast down my face.  I ugly cried as I pulled out the parking spot and drove through the busy hospital parking lot.  I’m sure those unfortunate enough to have witnessed it would have thought I had just visited a dying relative in hospital.  But no.  There I was, crying about my face and then crying that I’m silly enough to cry about my face.

Once we have the results of the blood test in the next few days, I’ll probably be given the go ahead to start 30mg of Roaccutane once a day for the next four months.

I feel queasy just thinking about it.

Here I Go Again was last modified: May 25th, 2015 by 321Blog
OrataneRoaccutanesecond round of oratanesecond round of roaccutane
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20 comments

jenty 25 May 2015 at 12:11 PM

Oh no!! Not again!! I’m praying that this course I’m on is the only one I’ll ever have to be on! I’m on 40mg a day though, 2 months left of my 6 month course

Reply
Cindy 25 May 2015 at 12:16 PM

How are you finding it? Have you been putting in eye drops religiously? I could deal with the other effects but my eyes were just the worst with the blurry vision!

Reply
catjuggles 25 May 2015 at 12:16 PM

Oh Cindy, I am so sorry you have to do this again. Praying that this one is the last one

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The Blessed Barrenness 25 May 2015 at 12:22 PM

Aaah Honey! You’re not silly at all. Acne simply wears one down and it sounds like you have cystular acne, which is what i had, it’s soo bloody painful too!
All the best for this round! xx

Reply
Naidene Cooper 25 May 2015 at 12:38 PM

I feel for you. When I was on it years ago, I suffered such bad nose bleeds that I thought I was dying. My eyes were also incredibly sensitive and dry. All the best. X

Reply
CaffeineAndFairydust 25 May 2015 at 1:15 PM

Aww no 🙁 I am so sorry Cindy

Reply
Supermama 25 May 2015 at 2:03 PM

Crying tears for you just reading this. My husband suffers with the Cystular acne and it’s heart wrenching seeing him go through it. We did see Zinc and Magnesium make a huge difference and I have no doubt you have tried these things. All strength to you with the journey ahead. xx

Reply
Heather 25 May 2015 at 2:07 PM

Hugs Cindy. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Reply
Gina 25 May 2015 at 2:29 PM

Oh man. Im sorry you have to do it again! Hopefully this will be the last time. Dont forget what I told you last time kay?

Reply
Caley 25 May 2015 at 2:56 PM

Sorry Cinds – hope it’s easier this next round and heals soon x

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Fathima 25 May 2015 at 3:02 PM

That just sucks big time. You’re a strong woman and you’ll kick acne’s ass!

Reply
melanieblignaut 25 May 2015 at 3:07 PM

🙁 I hope this round is the last.

Reply
ailsaloudon 25 May 2015 at 4:53 PM

Just so sorry! (((hugs)))

Reply
survivingjonkersville 25 May 2015 at 8:54 PM

Sorry you’re experiencing this 🙁 Hope it’s the last round.

Reply
CharlieW 26 May 2015 at 10:19 AM

Oh babes. I’m sorry that you have to go through this again. Thinking of you! xx

Reply
Debs 26 May 2015 at 11:22 AM

Thinking of you! xxx

Reply
We All Have That Thing | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 27 May 2015 at 1:20 PM

[…] no secret that I’ve been feeling rather sorry for myself recently.  I thought I’d point it out, in case you couldn’t tell by the surplus tears […]

Reply
Currently | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 2 June 2015 at 12:10 PM

[…] I’ve started my second round of Roaccutane as of last night.  Then I proceeded to dream that this time I went full on blind.  Like all I saw […]

Reply
Fatima 2 June 2015 at 1:04 PM

Ag no 🙁 So sorry, all the best for this round, will pray that it works and you will have fabulous flawless skin here after.

Reply
Round Two Of Roaccutane – Wrap Up Of Week 1 | 3 Kids, 2 Dogs, 1 Old House 9 June 2015 at 12:48 PM

[…] after a bit of a melodramatic build up, the blood tests came back with perfect results which means that I could start my second round of […]

Reply

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After living a very normal suburban life we packed up everything to live in a VW van for a year as a family of 5. Now that we have traveled our beautiful country we are back to normal but trying to remember what it was like to live with less, spend time in nature and build on our family bonds. Join us on the journey.

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