MIXED RACE RELATIONSHIPSRegular Features

Behind The Scenes Of A Mixed Race Family – Emy Diesel

31 July 2015
1 Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest

Welcome back to my favourite series!

I’m glad that you’re back to read the next installment.  Here are the other features in case you want to catch up.

Here’s a little bit of background as to why I want to do this series and why I want YOU to read it and share it with your friends.  Besides the odd intentional racist, I feel like a lot of the hurtful comments floating around are actually just brought about through ignorance about how their words will affect other people.  Thinking only of our own personal situations with little regard for others, because that’s all that we know. So in an effort to broaden what we know, I thought I would interview a wide range of South Africans that have a variety of different situations – from mixed race couples to single race couples that adopt cross racially to couples that share the same “race” but differ vastly in terms of culture.  A bit of a mumble jumble of everything really.

So let’s get started!

If you would like to join in and be featured in this series or know of someone that would, please feel free to get in touch with me on cindyalfino@gmail.com.

I want this to be a safe space where we can share stories and encourage each other to be more accepting of our fellow South Africans of all races, cultures and situations.  So while I want to encourage you to comment and open a discussion, I will not tolerate any abusive or troll like comments here.

10984267_10153659396841164_4871343444631075051_n

  • Tell us a little bit about yourself – what you do, what you like to spend your time on etc
I am a wife to an amazing husband and the mom to an amazing daughter. For work I am the manager of a Guest House and Self Catering collection in Paternoster. Being in the hospitality industry means I work a lot! But in my spare time I like to just relax at home with my family. I am obsessed with series and love to read.
  • Tell us a little bit about your partner – what they do, what they like to spend time on etc
My husband is self employed. He owns a fish factory that works mainly snoek. They dry it, freeze it or smoke it and then transport it all over the place. He works longer hours than me, so we built our home on the same small holding as the factory. This means that we get to see each other a lot more and Jae can run over whenever she wants to. Because of his long hours he also spends his free time relaxing with his family. I may or may not have gotten him just as obsessed with series.
  • Give us a bit of insight into your racial/cultural backgrounds. 
Our backgrounds are so different from each other! I was born and raised in Plumstead, I come from a white family and was raised in a middle class home. He was born and raised in Paternoster. He comes from a coloured family and was raised in a little town, that up until 15 years ago, didn’t even have a proper road leading to it.
  • Where do you live?  Does how you are “accepted” change when you visit different places?
We live in Paternoster. I have never felt unfairly judged because of our skin color, so I would say that we have been accepted wherever we go.
  • Tell us all about your kids – brag a bit – it’s OK 😉
We have a daughter, her name is Jae-Lyn and she is 16, not really, she is only 6. She is the light of our lives. She is so much like me that we spend a lot of time butting heads with each other, but have so much in common as well. She is way to clever for her own good. She is quite a busy child, and we sometimes have trouble keeping track of her. If we are being to boring for her she just picks up the phone and calls her Aunty or Uncle to come and fetch her and then we only see her again later in the day. This is one of the best things about living so close to all your family.
10407475_10154056248201164_7263775579255560170_n
  • How do you and your partner view race in your relationship?  What kind of role does it play in your family?  Does it even feature?
I don’t think it features really. We are who we are, and that is why we love each other.
  • Are there big differences in your marriage relationship that are affected by your heritage/culture?
Being brought up in such different ways and in such different cultures has been the biggest difference. I think it has been more of a learning curb for me than him, as we are living in his hometown. It is very different to living in a city, but I love it and wouldn’t choose to live anywhere else. In a small town like this most people are related to each other, you are surrounded by tons of family which is amazing.
  • How have your families reacted to your relationship?
Both families have really had no major reaction to our relationship. We have always both been very accepted in each others families.
  • What kind of experiences have you or your partner had when you have been out with your kids (alone with them or together as a family)? 
I have had a few comments on my child clearly being mixed race, which has upset me. These have all happened when I have been out alone with her. When we go out as a family we have had little to no reaction.
  • What are some of the ignorant and hurtful things that have been said to you and your husband about this issue?
I was in Checkers with Jae-Lyn and the teller made a point of asking me if her father was colored because she doesn’t look ‘white’. I was quite taken aback by this. My sister was with me at the time and gave the person a mouthful.
10946179_10153621079131164_2048072274_o
  • What do you think we can do to combat this ignorance/stupidity?
I just think that people should be more accepting. And just because you can see that we are a mixed race family does’t mean that you need to comment negatively on it.
  • Did you have any fears about parenting mixed race children before you had them?  Have any of those fears changed since becoming a Mommy/Daddy to kids with mixed genes?
No, we didn’t have any fears. I was not brought up in a racist family and neither was my husband, so we have never been subjected to any negativity regarding race. When I was pregnant we would wonder whose features she would have etc. She really does not look much like me at all, and looks just like her dad’s family.
  • Do you have any advice for those new to this experience?
Don’t let anyone’s negative comments or reactions affect you. This is your life, not their’s…….
Like what you’ve read here?  That’s flipping awesome – feel free to share it with your friends.  Also come hang out with me on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram where you can expect to find a whole lot more of this, just shorter.
7 comments
1
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest

Leave a Comment

7 comments

brett Fish anderson 31 July 2015 at 11:33 AM

ah, so great that you are doing this – i really should come and visit your blog more often – i have a section on my blog called ‘Taboo Topics’ and one that we have dealt with [in terms of inviting people to share their stories] is on Mixed-Race couples but this family one takes it to a whole new level.

https://brettfish.wordpress.com/2014/05/01/taboo-topics-race-mixed-race-and-culture-connections/

Thanks so much and keep on
love brett fish

Reply
321Blog 31 July 2015 at 12:34 PM

Hey Brett, thanks for taking the time to comment (and Dming me about the typo! Really appreciate it)

Yeah I think that it’s an important topic that sometimes gets scary to talk about, but I’m hoping to change that a little. I’ve read your pieces and loved it!

Reply