I have so much I want to get out of me and into words on this space, but they just don’t want to flow. And when they do, I don’t have time to write them.
We’re still trying to get back into the swing of life now that we’re done fixing the damage that the robbers did when they broke into our place a couple of weeks ago. It’s really tiring having to deal with contractors, especially ones that don’t do their jobs properly. Ugh. Not to mention having to figure out what they’ve stolen and get quotes to replace it all. Thank goodness for Takealot is all I’m saying.
Many nights I find myself awake and unable to switch my brain off. I used to be able to put my head down and like 2 minutes later I would be dead to the World. But not anymore. It’s not even because of the burglary and feeling violated. Weirdly I have been able to get over that pretty easily – stuff is just stuff, space is just space – if it had actually affected anyone of us physically that’d be a whole other story. The thing is, as soon as I close my eyes, my thoughts just turn into a muddy swirl of everything that I still have to do and instead of a calm state of ease that will let me slip into a beautiful sleep, I find that I get nervous, worried and my tummy is in knots. It’s probably just this time of the year, but it’s freaking annoying that I’m tired all the time.
I’ve also found that in the last couple of weeks I have been more reflective of myself and the situations I find myself in. So instead of reacting instinctively (and often inappropriately), I rather step back to really consider all the angles and then act or react. Trying to be slower to anger, faster to love, quieter in my soul. Moving away from the light of a screen to spend more time focusing on things that are vastly more important. Yas, that sounds full of crap, but it’s true. And it’s made a huge difference to my overall happiness and the happiness of our family.
Thinking: I think it’s easier to sum up what I’m not thinking of right now. A lot of what has been swirling around my head is relationships and marriage. What makes them work and what makes them fail. I have a whole post in me waiting to be written on the topic. The thing is, it’s not a cut and paste kind of thing. What works for me may not work for you, but talking from our own experience may help, even if it’s just so you know you’re not alone. One of the very reasons I started this blog in the first place – connecting and helping each other through hard life things really makes me happy.
Another thing I have been struggling with is becoming an Aunty. There is nothing I enjoy more than welcoming friends into the folds of motherhood. I get a rush of real and genuine happiness for them, for the baby but also so that they get to experience the absolute joy that comes with being a parent. Yes, we can’t discount how hard it is, but for the most part the joy outweighs this many times over on the good days. The thing I’m struggling with is that I have this deep need to help. I want to be there – I want to be your support, your shoulder, your person to chat things over with. Mostly because I know what it feels like to not have had that when I so desperately needed it. But not everyone needs that, and if they do, they don’t need it from me. It’s hard to keep myself in check and put myself where I am needed instead of where I am not.
Getting caught: For about a year and a half I have been Bonnie and Clydeing it. That’s a thing right? I have been evading the law. You see, I licensed my car only a couple of months late last year and then I proceeded to put the license up in the car. Well not actually. I thought I did, but instead I lost it. As one does. So I have been driving around with an two year expired license on my car. It’s up for renewal again but we just haven’t gotten around to doing it yet. Anyway, we went to Camps Bay yesterday and BAM they got me. A R1300 fine. *cries in corner*
Let’s not even talk about my actual drivers license… I think I’m going to have to go and fix that tomorrow.
Trying: Sushi. Look I know it’s old news. Everyone eats it and it’s got like a bit of a cult following that goes with it, but I just never got it… Until the other night when we date nighted at Harbour House at the Waterfront. I had the crunch roll with tuna and it was SO good. Then yesterday Seth and I shared a platter for lunch with all the different options on it at Ocean Basket and although I still don’t think I’m at the cult level of adoring it, I can now add it to my list of things that I never thought I’d eat but do now – like tomatoes, avo, steak, mushrooms, curry, meat on bones, this list is endless actually… Talk about making cooking hard for my parents.
Enjoying: My new dress.
Do you suffer with buyers regret like I do? Not that you buy it and then regret it, but that you never have money to treat yourself so you don’t buy it and then end up dreaming about that dress for the next 5 years. Well that’s me. I see stuff, I love it. I try it on, I love it even more and then I have to walk away. Then one day, when I have money to use on myself, it’s not there anymore. I couldn’t let that happen with this dress.
Watching: Since they stole our TV we’ve been using a little one that we borrowed from my Mom. It does the trick, but we can’t seem to get it to link up with the computer. So instead we’ve settled for Friends reruns which I am totally satisfied with! I don’t think I was really allowed to watch it until it was almost finished, so it’s been great watching the beginning seasons and really, really getting into the characters again.
Also we watched Legend at the movies the other night. Usually I am NOT a fan of Tom Hardy. I mean in Mad Max I couldn’t hear/understand a word he was saying. Too weird. Not to mention when he was Bane in the Batman movie – like what the actual heck? Did someone break his jaw before they started shooting? Anyway. I have totally transformed my view of him in this movie – he was fantastic. Really. I know I have rather messed up taste when it comes to things that I choose to watch compared to many of the other women I know (think superhero movies, zombies, serial killers, a fair amount of blood and guts), but I think this is a good one to watch if you can (there’s not too much of any of that in this movie – just one small zombie. Kidding – or am I?).