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3 Kids, 2 Dogs and 1 Old House

PARENTING

Cause and Effect – Why I Cried Myself To Sleep Last Night

9 December 2015
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It all started out quite innocently.

As it usually does.

I may have noticed that I was starting to be the only one that was still having fun, but still we persevered.

After indulging in a delicious, festive dinner and sweet treats, we piled the kids into the car at around 9.30pm and headed home.  Yes, it was late, but we were having fun, so it was totally worth it.  They were all in quite good spirits considering the time and so I actually felt myself relax.

Once we got home, the kids managed to do their pre-bed ritual of changing and toileting before collapsing into bed into a wonderfully restful sleep.

Except they didn’t.

Instead we had a super volatile 5 year old wanting to desperately go to the toilet.  Which I let her do five times.  FIVE TIMES in the space of 30 minutes.  But on time six I told her that this was ridiculous and her body couldn’t even have produced enough wee to wet an ant since she last went, and then…  Well, then she lost her freaking mind.

If you were looking for tantrum central, you would have found it in the girls room last night.

Now look, I get it.  Tantrums that is.  I know they have an issue that they cannot verbally express properly and so they lose their poo, sometimes literally.  I know that they can’t rationalise events like we can and that screaming back at them just fuels the already raging fire.  I know they just need to process what’s happening.

I know this.

But what happens when they are just chancing their luck?  Or pushing my buttons?  Or really just wanting to be a chop?

Surely that’s where discipline comes in.  That’s where it’s always come in for us in the past and this time was no different.

So I remained calm but firm.  Explaining that she cannot go and she better bloody well deal with it.  But nicely you know.  I think I would have won the Nobel Freaking Peace Prize for how well I tried to calmly talk reason into her.  To show her love.  To reason.  To love.  To gently threaten.  To love.  To threaten with intent.  To reason.  To threaten with reason.  All the while keeping my calm even though all I wanted to do was lose my cool right back at her and throw in a couple of good whacks for good measure.

But you know child cruelty and all that.

Then Seth shouted at me to follow through on all my gazillion empty threats.  And then…  Well then I lost my damn mind.

I followed through on the threats that I made to her and when I was done, I slammed the door shut for good measure.  Because I’m mature like that and like to make a point.

The result?  Well of course she calmed down and they all went to sleep.  Following through on all the threats and leaving them in a dark room tends to have that effect.  They immediately realise that they have been total assholes for the last hour and Mommy means business.

Except that’s not reality is it?

No.  Instead of calming down she went full on super saiyan (excuse the Dragon Ball Z reference that I have never watched but refer to anyway).  She screamed so loudly that I thought the windows were going to shatter and she couldn’t breathe.

She screamed so loudly that instead of getting more angry and bucking up as the parent, maybe shouting louder or whatever you’d need to do in a situation like this, all I could do was dissolve into a puddle of tears.  I could not stop them running thick and fast down my face.  Undeterred she continued.  Seth stepped in and managed to get her to stop.  Me?  My tears didn’t stop.

She managed to come and say sorry to me and give me a few cuddles when she could see that I just couldn’t stop crying, but it’s all really only because Seth stepped in.  In reality if it wasn’t for him, we’d still be in that situation, except by now my eyes would have swollen shut and she wouldn’t no longer be able to scream, or maybe even talk, ever again.

Honestly, I went to bed last night as a total failure of a mother.

I thought I’d feel differently today.  But I don’t.  I feel like I’m unfit to be a mother.  They don’t listen.  I’m full of empty threats.  They don’t listen.  I action my threats.  They still don’t listen.

I’m so very done.  SO done.

And yet, I can’t be.  Because that is the very nature of motherhood isn’t it.  It doesn’t stop.  There’s no wheel to jump off, no check to cash, no papers to throw on the floor.  Well actually there’s lots of those – half squiggled with family portraits or butterflies.

We wake up in the morning and pretend to forget how they may have hurt us.  They’ve forgotten.  To them it’s like it never even happened.

We have that annoying ability to remember.  We don’t forget.  At least not immediately.  Remember childbirth?  Exactly.

And we carry on.  Because we have to.  And hopefully because today will be better.

Today will be better.

 

 

~*~

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Cause and Effect – Why I Cried Myself To Sleep Last Night was last modified: December 10th, 2015 by 321Blog
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17 comments

Heather 9 December 2015 at 8:06 PM

Ah Cindy I’m so sorry. I sure have had those moments. I am the same as you in a lot of ways – struggling to follow through. So I try and threaten with things I know I can actually do e.g no story. Tonight I was trying to get Nicky to pack away – the only way I could do it was to do it with him – give him the object and get him to throw it in the box. When a kid is upset there’s no way to reason with them, especially when they are tired. So all you can do is be there for them. Oh and I’m glad you’ve got Seth. Brett also steps in when I start losing it!

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Kim Muller 9 December 2015 at 8:06 PM

I’m so sorry Cindy. Sucks massive ass balls when they tantrum a tantrum. I know. But you are a good mommy. Well, actually, you’re an amazing mommy. Try not to let this get you down too much. Many vitual hugs and strongs for the next one.

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Mandy 9 December 2015 at 8:19 PM

Oh honey I feel you. I know nothing I say will take away that feeling, nothing anybody says to me does – but I will say it anyway : you are an amazing mom. You are a huge role model and inspiration on how to get it right – even when there are times you have to get it wrong to leave how to get it right. Sending just every bit of all the love xxx

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Cassey 9 December 2015 at 8:25 PM

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg hugs.

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Tamra 9 December 2015 at 8:30 PM

I love this. I love your honesty. And just so you know, you are not alone!!
I, too, have these times with James. I talk nicely. I try to reason. And then I lose my cool. The mommy guilt is deep!!
Funnily enough, Jon is also the only one who can get him to calm down in those times. I think kids know moms can be pushed more than Dad.
Unfortunately I’m not so sure it gets any easier the older they get either.
I think we just have to keep on loving, correcting and fighting back the guilt and tears along the way?

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stephanie 9 December 2015 at 8:34 PM

we all have those days and it sucks, bu like u say we moms and we just have to carry on 🙂 but wine helps 😉

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Carla Smith 9 December 2015 at 8:42 PM

Lots of hugs! My little one is only 16months old and has started violent tantrums. The struggle is real! I used to watch every single nanny 911 episode and I really thought I had it covered. I mean how hard could it really be? Well I’m having the last laugh now. Motherhood sometimes really sucks but it really helps knowing that we aren’t alone. And perfect moms don’t exist. Big spoiler alert for me. Thank you for sharing your honest experiences it helps the rest of us know that we are not alone. Lots of love and blessings! And remember you are an awesome mommy!

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CindyAlfino 9 December 2015 at 10:16 PM

Cause and Effect – Why I Cried Myself To Sleep Last Night https://t.co/owklVPhMRR

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Caley 9 December 2015 at 10:47 PM

These are the worst moments in motherhood, and the moments no one can ever warn you about or prepare you for – and yet we still have to suck our way through them and it hurts like hell! i have had a few of these moments with our SJ and it kills me and breaks me down, but I get back up again. I wish we just didn’t have to adult and mom on these days!
x

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CassanFerguson 10 December 2015 at 7:46 AM

RT @CindyAlfino: Cause and Effect – Why I Cried Myself To Sleep Last Night https://t.co/owklVPhMRR

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Jodie 10 December 2015 at 8:58 AM

Oh this happened to me in the middle of the freaking night with my 4year old. He woke up crying because he had an…ITCHY BITE…and at first I kept my cool even though he woke my 1year old up and he then started to cry too. Even though dad was laying in bed pretending to sleep when I was now multitasking between the two kids at 1am (did I mention that this was the third time in the night that I’d woken up for a crying child??!!!!). I really did remain calm – I even went to fetch the mosquito bite cream and applied it. But then mister just carried on sniffing and crying and I could feel the build up. And then he was coughing hysterically and then he almost vomitted – I swear, if he had, I would have left him to sleep in it! But then I lost my cool and ended up giving him a smack and I left him to cry big crocodile tears and cry himself to sleep. And eventually he did. And this morning, he came into the room with a smile like nothing had happened. And I couldn’t fall back to sleep and I still felt terrible this morning. I feel you!!!!

Reply
Gill_Hattingh 10 December 2015 at 10:01 AM

Cause and Effect – Why I Cried Myself To Sleep Last Night https://t.co/twOGGzHFCd via @cindyalfino

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Laura 10 December 2015 at 11:47 AM

These moments are tough and probably the one part of parenting that doesn’t get easier!

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acidicice 10 December 2015 at 11:47 AM

Ah Cindy. This is my life every day lately. You’ve articulated a blog post that has been mulling in my head. Consider me inspired to write it all down. Strongs that side. I can’t even tell you it will get better, because I don’t even know yet.

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Bianca 10 December 2015 at 12:02 PM

I so feel your pain on this. And this is why this is honestly the toughest job sometimes! xxx

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Faziela 10 December 2015 at 1:58 PM

Big hugs to you mommy.I know how that feels, I feel like Wreck-it Ralph, permanently the bad guy who has to discipline my lil one and say no. We can only but do it with love and one day, they will understand why and tell us thank you. 🙂

Reply
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[…] the child that thrives on routine just happens to show that she’s put out by throwing the most epic tantrums ever in the whole World.  Actually I’m surprised you didn’t know.  It’s pretty […]

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