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3 Kids, 2 Dogs and 1 Old House

PARENTING

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

2 March 2016
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It seems that we’ve reached this awkward age of parenting and despite wishing so many long, hard days away (and not having them go any faster than they were going before I started wishing), it’s still happened sooner than I thought it would.

Surprisingly I’m not talking about answering an endless well of awkward questions like, why we grow hair on places other than our heads, what a period is or “WHY IS THAT LADY SO FAT?” said at the top of their lungs.  Those questions I can handle – our kids are more capable of hearing and accepting things from us than we think, despite how awkwardly we explain them.

No, my current dilemma is:

Darling, you gotta let me know, should I stay or should I go?

You see, we’ve just found ourselves in that new phase of our kids getting invited to a party but with the drop and go option. Not familiar with the term drop and go? It’s where you leave your kid with a stranger that you have possibly only met twice in the carpool and then you pick them up a couple of hours later hoping that your innocent little gift hasn’t been irrevocably damaged.

Am I overreacting? I’m going to go with a no.

Look, I’m fully aware that not everyone is Dexter without the “moral compass” of only killing the bad guys or that they are one goatee away from being a convicted paedophile, but guys it happens. Often when you least expect it. I’m pretty sure that any paedophile, walking around with his well groomed goatee and smile that leaves you cold inside – basically giving off any/all of the paedo vibes – would not be successful. Ugh, successful is the wrong word. I feel sick thinking about it. But you know what I mean.

Any respectable paedo is going to act like a normal person until you happily leave your child with them. But when you’ve driven off, they’ve immediately spike your kids organic apple juice and who knows what happens after that.

Side note: A “respectable paedo” is not a thing. It’s sarcasm, or something. The only respectable paedo is a dead one. Maybe I have too much Dexter in me. Hmmm.

And sleep overs?  Don’t even get me started on that folks.  That’s so far off the radar it might as well be a Big Brother winner.

It’s not that I don’t trust the parents of the kids that they go to school with… Oh no wait. That’s exactly it. I don’t trust them. It’s nothing personal really, but waving at each other as we walk past is not enough for me to trust you with a large piece of my heart that happens to walk around outside my body, in the shape of my child.

For me to be able to drop and go, I would need to know both of those parents (and siblings) much better than just their names and faces. I’d start with blood type, criminal history, medical records, mental health issues, family history and their stance on Nik Naks as the elementary testing phase.

What really blew my mind though is that out of a group of say, 13 girls, I was the only Mom who stayed.  Granted the hosts were amazing – you immediately felt like you could trust them, and for half of the girls, they had been together at their last school for a couple of years so their parents probably knew each other much better than I did, but still.

I’m starting to think that 30 is going to be an appropriate age to start making use of this option, you know when I let them out of the basement.

I joke, I joke.

Maybe.

Anyway, I wanted to know from you, at what age would you feel comfortable with a drop and go? Do you have kids that you’re already doing the drop and go with? How did you bring yourself to that point to be able to let go? I’m not really going to lock my child up like Rapunzel for the rest of her life, but I’m not taking any chances.

 

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Should I Stay Or Should I Go? was last modified: March 2nd, 2016 by 321Blog
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22 comments

cat@jugglingact 2 March 2016 at 3:25 PM

I have to say that to me it is not age related – it is related to if I know the parents or not. In our school the drop and go starts at around grade 1 – by then you have known most parents for a year of shared grade R parties, school functions and class stuff. When a new kid comes in we generally have one or two moms staying on our mutual agreement – ie we will ask each other who stays and will they keep an eye if we are not there. Of course with the 11 year old it is a totally different issue. You have known most parents for years and there’s in general not the stay option.

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Yolika Muscat 2 March 2016 at 3:34 PM

I also felt really “awkies” at the first drop & go party as I was also the only parent that stayed. The first time I left him though was at age 8 and that was at a family we knew well, he was at school with the kids for 4 years prior. Sleepovers are 10x worse and my child was 10 years old, had a cellphone hidden in his bag for just in case and was warned about “everything” Ad nauseum. Good Luck!

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Luchae Williams 2 March 2016 at 3:53 PM

I only drop and go’d my boy when he was like, 11, I think. Okay maybe 10. And he’s only ever had a sleep over at his best friends place, or family. But with that said, his dad lives in Cape Town and when he is visiting there I am permy on my knees, praying!

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Chipped 2 March 2016 at 3:58 PM

OOOhh We had an incident last year where my son was invited to a party at the at the bowling alley. I was very hesitant to leave him and had coffee close by. Needless to say, when I got there I could not find my son and the hosting mom did not know where he was either. I nearly died…. and 2 minutes laters (and it felt like 2 years) I saw him and a couple of other boys running way on the other end of the centre, where the arcarde games are… I was fuming! and decided that I will not be doing a “drop ‘n go” for a long time…unless It is with family or people that I know are very responsible!!!

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321Blog 3 March 2016 at 9:46 AM

Oh my word! I would have lost my cool. So glad that you found him!

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Ana Simoes 2 March 2016 at 4:20 PM

When we had the boys b-day last year I was shocked at to how many parents were all like “see you at 5pm – cheers” and rushed out the door only having met me that very minute.

Lets just say it was the most stressful 3-4 hours that month.To make matters worse it was at a kids party venue.I’m lucky I knew a lot of the kids because I’m a reading mom but my son (ever the gracious and generous host) made sure to let everyone know to bring along their siblings – some even brought their cousins lol.

So it was panic mode from start to finish.

As for sleepovers – Im terrible as they will only happen at my house.Hubby and I plan to make our home especially when they teens the ‘IT” house to hang out at so that I get to know the friends they hang out with and I get to know where they are and what they up to at all times.

#paranoidmom

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321Blog 3 March 2016 at 9:45 AM

Absolutely! I love that idea of your home being the IT home, we’ve always wanted that too. I’d rather them be with me where there is someone watching than at another place where no one cares.

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Ronele Coetzee AKA Crazy Stalker Mom 2 March 2016 at 4:57 PM

I Agree with your stance 100%. I am glad I am not the only mom who would like to wrap them in bubble wrap and store them in my pocket permanently so that I know they are safe. I was surprised when my niece had her 16th birthday and only 1 of the parents popped in to see if their child would be safe or that they dropped them off at the right party (It was at a venue and not their house).
I would definitely be a stalker mom, my mom would not let me go anywhere with anyone unless she knew both parents, the child and basically obtained blood samples, I was 16 when I was allowed the drop and go option.
The world is such a crazy place these days that it isn’t safe for them to use the bathroom at school. So for me, I am not taking any chances.

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321Blog 3 March 2016 at 9:06 AM

Totally with you!! And I really don’t think there is any shame in it at all.

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Jenna 2 March 2016 at 8:13 PM

Such a tough one!!! What about playdates? Fortunately my little man won’t go to someone else’s house without me so I’ve never had this problem. However, we often bring kids home for a playdate and as we are in a new year group this year the parents don’t know each other yet. Of course we think we are all fab and do know some people, but it is tricky. I worry more about is there a pool, if so is there a gate, are there big dogs????

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321Blog 3 March 2016 at 9:05 AM

Oh man yes! Don’t even get me started on the pool thing! We still have to do unattended playdates although we have had some at our place. I’d much prefer for other people to come to us than for our to go anywhere else.

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Caley 2 March 2016 at 10:52 PM

Wow!! This is such a tough one! But I agree that it is all about how well you know the parents rather than an age answer… Our SJ has been to play dates without me but because I know the parents and family really well but I would either go with or child doesn’t go if I didn’t know the parents well enough or at all x

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321Blog 3 March 2016 at 8:59 AM

Totally agree – it’s a definite one or the other for me now. We either stay together or they don’t go. I’m not taking any risks just to be considered a “cool” mom.

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Louisa 3 March 2016 at 4:56 AM

I haven’t dropped and gone yet. But I agree with you, it depends how well I know the parents. If staying isn’t an option I might camp out ourside in my car like a stalker. So far it hasn’t come up yet.

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321Blog 3 March 2016 at 8:58 AM

I think I might do the same for our first couple when they’re like 16 😉

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MeganM 3 March 2016 at 10:51 AM

After reading those posts I feel guilty. Maybe I’m not being a good mom. Firstly my son has been flying from jhb to ct by himself since he was 5 years old. He is now 11. I’m ok with dropping my 11 and 7 yr old off at parties or at a friends house as long as I know the parents.

I do coddle them but not too much. They can have their freedom as long as they remain in my peripheral vision.

Sleepovers are family based only. Not yet doing the friends sleepover thing. Not even at my place.
So generally I’m ok with family….some family.

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321Blog 3 March 2016 at 11:36 AM

Megan I don’t think you should feel guilty at all. That’s the beauty of motherhood – we’re all at different levels of comfort and stress. The important thing is that if we know it’s safe, it’s totally fine to feel comfortable with it. I’m just taking longer than most to get to that comfort level because I’m only slightly neurotic. 😉

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Sharon 3 March 2016 at 1:03 PM

No! No! No! No! I’m not ready for that.

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Ursula 3 March 2016 at 7:03 PM

I think drop and go was invented to shorten my lifespan. I hate it…….pressure to leave your child in a (mostly) unknown environment…..and I should be ok with that!?! Did it once and I worried at home for the entire hour and a half…..they had a pool (no net) and my kid (at the time) could not swim. Even with the aupair (whom I know) right with them, I thought I would die from the stress. And I agree with all your comments re how much do we trust the adults around our kids…..urrrrgh lets just protect our kids………unless these adults are close friends and you are VERY familiar with the environment…..and even then……

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Cassie 3 March 2016 at 7:04 PM

We just had my daughters 4th birthday party and there was a mom who did a drop and go for her 3 year old…. I was gobsmacked!!!

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Laura 7 March 2016 at 10:27 AM

I can’t remember with the older two – it was probably around 6/7 depending on who/what/when etc. At Jacks party last year (his 4th), a child was dropped! Mom barely waved from the gate!

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Charlotte 7 March 2016 at 11:26 AM

CIndy drop and go to me is not an age thing but a how well do I know the parents thing. Amandalynn had her first drop and go at 6 and Lorelai at about 3 – I know the parents very well as we are friends. That being said – if its a pool party you can be my sister I will stay to watch my own children.

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