You don’t have to be a blogger to feel a little chuffed when someone takes the time to ♥ your posts online.
It’s just a product of the time that we live in, isn’t it? You take the time to put out content worth seeing and when you get that double tap you just feel like, yeah, nailed it.
The problem is, just when you thought you had gotten the hang of it, Facebook and Instagram went and stuffed it all up. Instead of seeing every piece of content that the people you follow put out there, you see a select amount (if anything at all). We can blame this all on those little algorithms that they’ve put in place. Suddenly everyone has become savvy with what these algorithms actually do and so you’ll have noticed a few changes in some of the communication online. Basically it works like this:
I should probably just clarify that I have gleaned all of this information from clever people that do this for a living. I have never actually taken any time to figure out how it all works, but I trust the people I have spoken to, so I’m pretty sure this is mostly accurate.
Step 1: You follow a new account because you like the things that they’re putting out there.
Step 2: FB show you content from that new account a couple of times and if you don’t engage with that content (by liking, commenting, sharing or clicking the link to read the post) then the chances that you will see content from that page again, are like the chance that my kids will all be in bed and asleep at 6pm tonight – pretty much impossible. FB want to keep you sucked into their web as long as they can, so they want to make sure that they’re showing you things that you want to see – if you’re not engaging with it, that means that you obviously don’t want to see it.
Step 3: Everyone and their cat realises this and freaks the hell out because now you’re not going to see their posts about their lunch anymore. They basically beg you to switch on notifications so you will ALWAYS know what they are doing with their cat.
Step 4: People turn on notifications and get ANOTHER beep on their cellphone every time they do something “fun” like drink a coffee with a heart on it. Not to mention the beeps from all the other 361 accounts they’ve turned on notifications for – so many stylishly placed beauty products, so little time between beeps.
Step 5: The World goes crazy. Every time their phone beeps, which is every 0.364 seconds, their eye twitches – there are accidents, phones are thrown from the tops of buildings, people being murdered with artisan bread sticks and eventually the whole planet actually explodes.
A little dramatic? Uh. I guess.
But really, think about it, do we need to add more demand to our lives by turning on notifications? No, we don’t. So we resort to the next best thing (which I am totes guilty of): Begging people to engage with us online.
Now, I’m making light of this whole thing, but I too had a moment when I realised that I’m not going to ask everyone to get notifications from me, but how am I going to get them to read all of my very well thought out posts about wanting to stab out my ears with a pencil during another tantrum? The answer? Guilt them into engaging with me.
I’m not proud of it. BUT I did learn a valuable lesson and here it is.
Here’s Why No One Is Liking/Commenting On Your Posts
Being a blogger, I think like a blogger. OK, duh, what does that even mean? It means that I am totally cool with taking pieces of my life, editing them or leaving them glaringly unedited and sharing them with people online. Not just people I know on social media, but anyone. And no matter how much we’ve become OK with sharing these things so openly, it’s a kind of unique thing to be OK with.
This was pointed out to me by, well, everyone that reads my blog that is not a blogger themselves.
Not only does liking or commenting on a picture put them in a situation where they are exposing themselves to all the readers/followers of the blogger, but it means that they are about to put themselves into a weird situation. They’re about to comment on someone’s content that they don’t actually know at all, yes they follow the blogger and might even feel like they know them quite intimately, but it’s usually a one sided relationship isn’t it? The blogger probably doesn’t even know they exist.
To then double tap that picture or actually comment means breaking that barrier and it’s putting them at the risk of being scorned (by the blogger not replying) or thinking that the blogger will feel like they’re a bit of a stalker.
Honestly, I have NEVER thought about it like that at all. Because sharing is so easy for me, so is liking and commenting on other peoples content – even if I don’t know them. Although it also comes with the advantage of knowing that bloggers LOVE likes and comments and may well view the lurkers in the background as more of a stalker than the ones that take the time to connect. 😉
Now that I’ve taken the time to understand this perspective, it seem almost ludicrous to ask people to engage when it will be putting them in an uncomfortable situation.
So next time you’re wondering why your following is going up but your engagement is going down, it’s not because people are hate following you or thinking that you’re a lame weirdo. It’s because although your followers are enjoying your content, they’re just a little bit too shy to say so.
37 comments
Great post! And a topic I, a blogger myself, have been wondering about for a while. Thank you for sharing your well thought-out post.❤
I do understand all this – what is sort of bothering me is that fellow bloggers seem to comment less on each other’s pages – we need to show the love more
I’ve been thinking a lot about this over the past few weeks. I’ve also come up with different ways and different things to post about in an attempt to see if it impacts on engagement because really, sometimes if feels like I’m kind of talking to myself! 🙂
Oh man, I know that feeling all too well. Having a fat chat with myself. I think that’s why I started posting less personal stuff, because the natural reaction to talking to yourself about yourself is well, who actually even cares?
I must agree to some point. As a follower of a very few bloggers, it is very one – sided. I notice bloggers only reply maybe to other bloggers. And not so much to ‘fans’. I would like to see more bloggers engage with followers. Post a pic and ask a question at the end for eg. This isn’t directed at you though Cindy. It’s bloggers in general. Bc let’s face it, some bloggers are very vain. Lifestyle bloggers and mommy bloggers are relatable. You even inspired my backyard wall paint! But the fashion bloggers like posting make-up and fashion, but don’t necessarily disclose where it’s from or things like that. So they basically posting pics of themselves looking fab. And that’s it. Maybe I’m old (29). I don’t know.
Hey Nuraan, I totally agree with you and honestly for a long time I didn’t reply to comments because I thought no one would come back and read the answers (silly I know). It’s such a hard thing because I have seen bloggers ask questions and then get absolutely no response at all and that’s quite disheartening. But I know what you are saying – some bloggers are only out there to put out content and hope that everyone thinks they’re amazing without ever having to talk to anyone 😉
Cindy, I must say though, you doing it right. Your content varies on various social networks. You very engaging on Twitter, and you have replied to my comments even when I think whatever I typed was pointless. And your insta is very candid and raw which I think is awesome. Keep it up. And this was a very interesting topic for me to read, the bloggers vs followers vs likes. I will definitely view bloggers posts differently after this.
I’m so glad that you think so! I’ve been trying really hard to make sure that every comment gets noticed so that people don’t feel like they’re just commenting into the abyss.
Yes exactly what Nuraan said. There are bloggers I follow but I won’t engage with them because when I have before (asked questions/asked for advice on the topic they posted about) it gets met with deathly silence. Then I go back and look at the comments section and realise it is not just me that they don’t reply to. I understand though that one doesn’t have the time to reply to endless comments but when not a single question gets replied to ever then I find that odd. I also understand that not every comment left requires a reply back but direct questions should always be replied to.
Then I’ve had bloggers who have gone out of their way to reply to my question by sending me a personal email with even more details than I had originally asked for. That is amazing and makes me love their blog even more!
If you want “fans” to engage with you (I don’t mean you personally because you have replied to my questions before!) then you have to take the time to engage with them. It’s a two way street.
I am a blogger and up to this point have very little engagement to speak of. What I can say though, is that if any of my followers, bloggers or otherwise, take the time to engage with me on my blog or social media pages, I will answer. The biggest difference I think though, is when you try to communicate like this to a blogger that is receiving comments in the hundreds per post, they simply can’t engage with everybody, it’s just not possible.
Haha you guys – I feel the same! You bare your soul and then…crickets. And then you sulk;) This blogging thing is weird.
SO weird!
I agree with you to a point. For some people it’s a huge deal to comment because it’s essentially taking them out of their comfort zone. I actually LOVE commenting. BUT. I rarely comment these days (I mostly like posts) because I simply don’t have the time. I’m a Single Married Mom with too much to do! I read blogs on the fly/ while I’m in queues/while I’m waiting in the car for my kid. I usually read on my phone and it’s sometimes just difficult to comment from that particular device.
In the evenings, like to do other fun stuff too, like watch series, knit stuff, personal admin, kid stuff, friend dates. Therefore I don’t always turn on my computer to go into blogs to comment. I do put a reminder somewhere to comment if the blogger has shared something that I feel VERY strongly about. But. Just because I don’t comment, doesn’t mean that I don’t love you! I DO love you!
I also agree with one of the previous comments that mention it being a two-way street. I used to personally reply to each comment with a personal email becuase I LOVED doing that. I wish more bloggers would do that. It would mean that we build a relationship behind the scenes. And it would mean that I don’t have to go back to the post to check if there’s a reply to my comment.
This is also very true! Not everyone had time or the right gadget on hand – I never comment when reading on my phone but then sometimes forget to comment when I finally get onto my laptop. It’s a frustrating conundrum.
I’ve never thought about replying to comments with a personal email, but having just gotten replying to comments at all, so I’m going to take a few months to get the hang of it before adding that to all the extra stuff we have to do – but it’s a really great idea!
Thank you for sharing. I’ve never had a huge number of comments but just hope that readers enjoy my posts and that they add some form of value
That’s the general hope of most bloggers I guess, and if you’re getting consistent numbers, then we must be doing something right 😉
You have replied to my comments more than any other blog I have left comments on. And here I am, commenting AGAIN. I think that really says it all hey? xx
Well that’s great to know! Yay, I think I’m finally getting the hang of it!
Hey Cindy
I have been reading your blog for a while now – a behind the scenes stalker if you will – and I have to be honest and say that I never like or comment on anything online…EVER. Sorry about that by the way!!!!
As you rightly point out – it kind of breaks an unspoken barrier between us (the blogger and the reader) which is a bit strange because I know so much about you that we could almost be friends whereas to you, I am a stranger. So I think you hit the nail on the head with that one.
The other reason I never comment online is that it leaves you open for a debate (read argument) with other strangers who might take offence to something you have written, prompting them to start a massive online fight over something that really was not meant to be controversial at all. And herein lies the problem with written words – you simply cannot help it if someone misinterprets your tone or meaning when you are not there in person to deliver the sentiment.
So as someone who loves your blog but never comments, I wanted to take the time to say this in “person” for once seeing as it matches your topic for today. (Although if this is only a one time deal, please don’t be offended because I am still here and reading it every time I get a notification.)
Have a lovely weekend ahead!
Hey hey Saska! I totally agree with you on that. The internet can be a horrible place – even more so in the comment sections of articles. I take that kind of thing really seriously and a comment that is just down right troll like would NEVER get approved on my blog, I’m not about that negative life at all. So if you do ever leave another comment after this one and by some freak occurrence, there’s a troll comment, it would never see the light of a screen! I got your back 😉
I tend to take my comments to twitter, it ends with more of a conversation going. When folks do comment on my blog, I reply…but then again I don’t have tons of people responding. It can be, daunting to reply to many comments, I imagine :0
That’s a great idea! Do you find that it takes less time that way?
Hehe 🙂 Glad you wrote this post… <3
You were my inspiration!
Some of my very favourite people in the world started out as just people who commented on my blog (even you :D).
What often happens on my phone is I type a whole long response, enter the log in info and then it tries to log me in on an old WP account I don’t even have anymore, and no matter how hard I try entering every email-pasword under the sun, it WON’T let me in. I then do one of two things – copy the commetn and post it into a Facebook comment under a post, or throw my phone across the room and refuse to comment on anything for a week 😛
I HATE it when people don’t respond to me in any context, it makes me utterly insane – deep-seated psychological issues I’m sure 😀
To be fair to me, I always respond. I have been known to wish every competition entrant good luck – on the blog and on Facebook – and I include their names – not just a std reply. I have responded to every email I have ever received.
The likes and comments I could likely do without if people would just share. My entire goal is to share information, to reach out to people who are feeling alone and isolated – I can’t do that alone – I need the people I do reach to help me reach them. *sigh* If you ever figure this one out let me know 🙂
xxx
I’ve thought about this long and hard recently. I find that a “shareable” post needs to either be “general” in the sense that you don’t give too many of your own personal details or it needs to be deeply personal and moving in it’s openness. But to get content out like that all the time is basically impossible!!
I have been reading your blog for a while now and haven’t commented before (sorry!). I think it’s because it feels weird when I am a perfect stranger to you. But now that I know how important comments are to bloggers, I will make more of an effort. I really enjoy your style of writing and the topics you write about 🙂
Hey Jo! Thanks for commenting 🙂 I totally get how it can feel a bit weird, even I feel weird when I have been reading other peoples blogs for ages but they have no idea who I am. I end up writing and then deleting my comment even though I know they would appreciate it. It’s quite natural I guess. I’m so glad that you read along and enjoy the blog! That makes it all worth it – even if there aren’t comments 😉
Thanks for sharing! I have really just started out on the blogging world and it is so nice to have people engage with me and so lonely when they don’t. I try not to take it personally.
It’s especially hard the smaller you are (I think). You can see people are reading but NO ONE comments – it’s just disheartening, but like you say, I don’t think we should take it personally.
I think social media as a whole is rather weird.
You feel like you know people well that you don’t actually really know. An example of this would be when you see someone you follow in public somewhere and you realise that the relationship lives online. In your head you feel like say ‘Hi, I hope Knox is feeling better’ but in reality you walk on by and feel silly because you know this person but don’t.
So those sort of things have deterred me from commenting on blogs. I read them, I love them. I love yours and those close to me are forced to look at your pics and hear about your family.
I guess my point is that the relationship is online and can be one-sided and I think that’s ok. But it’s weird to feel like you know someone but can’t greet them in public but then can comment on personal things.
Social media is weird.
I couldn’t agree more – social media is weird in so many ways, but the strangest part is the one you highlighted here!
[…] watching someone’s story and it resonates with you somehow, tell them. We’ve seen how engaging with each other doesn’t make you a stalker, so try it […]
Nice blog, you are one of my favourite moms to follow.
Love this. So what do we do to convince them that we actually care what they think?
I have no idea! Besides tell them that repeatedly I guess. But that gets annoying and almost sounds like we’re begging.
Totally understand. It gets frustrating but I guess we should be patient.