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3 Kids, 2 Dogs and 1 Old House

A Day In The Life Of The Alfino'sFrom Mom

Embrace

29 April 2016
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Happy Friday!

I could not be more excited that Monday is a holiday.  This incessant need to wake up every single morning, is doing my head in a bit.  It’s been such a problem that I’m even leaving my alarm on for Monday morning, just so that I can have the joy of switching it off and going back to sleep!

But there are more important things at hand this fine day. Or well, things of second importance – the holiday has to take priority here people.

Last week I attended the Dove event in Hout Bay.  There was a lot of things that were spoken about but obviously being hair focused, the main topic was hair.  How it makes you feel etc.  I think a lot of people have a love/hate relationship with their hair, but despite desperately wanting curly hair when I was little, I have never actively hated my hair. Which is obviously easy to say considering that it’s naturally blonde and straight – the pinnacle of what too many people idolise as “perfect hair”.

In fact, before deciding to go grey, I could easily count on two hands, the amount of times that I had found myself in the salon chair (which is sad because – head massages!). But this is not the case with so many other people I know.  For example, Seth’s family go to the hairdresser every week – something I could NEVER fathom before. I guess it’s quite hard to acknowledge this as a straight haired white woman, but I know there’s a lot of pain and suffering that goes into many women’s lives as they try and get their hair to conform to what they want it to be.  Or maybe more specifically – to what the World steers them into wanting it to be.

A lot of the talk was about embracing your natural self and not listening to what everyone tells you that you should be.  Another example: There was a blonde who was told to wear glasses and change to a brunette in order to be taken seriously as a successful business owner.  There was a TV presenter that regularly had to put chemicals in her hair in order to make it straight and sleek.  Both decided to go against this push to be something they’re not, by doing the opposite – blonde-ing it up or chopping all their hair off.

Long story short, this whole idea has been playing on my mind a lot recently.  The concept of embracing who you are and not being ashamed by it.  It’s something that I have actively been struggling with for most of my life, especially now as an adult that happens to be a grey haired 29 year old with 3 kids and a successful business.  How do you even juggle all those stigmas or try and conform to all those boxes?  All these things seem to be a walking contradiction don’t they?

Grey haired: No not old, just “in touch with the current trends” (Guys, this is obvs not the case because the grey hair thing was so last year, but yet here I am still doing it, I don’t know when to stop).

Mom of 3: Mom jeans, on the older side of life, moms taxi, overtired, fuddy duddy, outdated, school mom, soccer mom. bleh.

Business owner: Power suits, high heels, tight buns (both kinds), grey.

So what do you do? Do you change yourself to conform to each facet of your life as you move in to each space every day?  Or do you stop caring and just get people to take you like you are?

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We live in a time where “first impression” are often the only impressions that people get.  Somehow I’ve thought that we’ve moved past the times of just rashly judging a book by its cover, but then I see another hipster walking past with his oversized earphones I find myself wondering if he’s just come from an organic coffee bar or whether he has kale stuck in his teeth.  It’s natural to judge a book by its cover and it’s annoying that even though I hate being judged, I just fall into the trap of judging others without intentionally wanting to do so.

But where does that leave me?

It’s taken me a very long time, a lot of self reflection and most probably the wisdom that comes with age (of which I’m only just tapping the surface), but I think I’m finally at that place where I really just couldn’t care less.  I am what I am.  Take it or leave it – you don’t have to like me in order for me to be happy.  I’m not going to pretend to enjoy wearing heels and suits just so that you take little, young me seriously in the work place.  I’ve earned all the various facets of my life that make me who I am and my overall look has nothing to do with it.  So let’s move on from that shall we?

Do you have the inner struggle that goes with embracing yourself the way you are?

 

 

 

~*~

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Embrace was last modified: May 3rd, 2016 by 321Blog
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Sharon 29 April 2016 at 10:47 AM

I am very comfortable with who I am, dare I say, I actually even really like myself! But that happened after turning 40 when the last of my fucks disappeared. I look in the mirror and I see an attractive, intelligent, mature woman with a good sense of humor and ability to laugh at herself and not take herself or life too seriously. These are qualities I admire in others and am thrilled to have found in myself.
Looks fade. Trends come and go, but who I am at my core will still make me what I think is a pretty cool person!
xx

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Cassey 29 April 2016 at 10:57 AM

I am so far from being happy with who I am. It’s gotten better, but still not quite where I’d like ti to be. One day.

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321Blog 29 April 2016 at 11:46 AM

I think I’m quite happy with who I am, I’m just unhappy with how other people perceive me to be. Or expect me to be just because I look, act, dress a certain way.

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Kim Muller 29 April 2016 at 11:24 AM

I’m still struggling with this and I”m coming up to my 35th birthday. It’s difficult to let go of ideas and upbringing but if you actively try it can be done. Hopefully I’ll there before my birthday 🙂

PS: I still love the grey!

Reply
321Blog 29 April 2016 at 11:43 AM

I totally agree! I think upbringing has a lot to do with it, especially if your cultural perspective is to change your hair to look a certain way.

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Zoe 2 May 2016 at 9:08 PM

I’ve been thinking a lot about that too actually… also being at a unique stage of life with little ones and trying to find myself career wise and fit into various roles it does become quite tiring … I look at all these other moms at various stages in their lives and wonder what they must think of me… Do they look at me and think wow she’s so young to have x year old child? She clearly isn’t very intelligent with that comment..etc etc.. (I am sure it’s not low self esteem because I do value myself) but these thoughts come up too often. I think we have to look at the root of the feeling first before we can embrace it though… does that make sense? I want to know WHY does it bother me so much if someone thinks I’m too young/ unfashionable/ unintelligent etc What am I placing my value on? Once I figure that out inside myself will I be able (I think) to truly embrace being a (young) 30 something with x year old children who says most times many unintelligent things and really thinks I don’t care what others think. Maybe it will happen when I turn 40 😀 (here’s hoping)

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321Blog 3 May 2016 at 9:09 AM

That’s a really good question! I’d love not to care at all, but it’s quite a big part of human nature (rightly or wrongly) to be affected by what people think of us. But you should know that your comments (not only on this space but in real life too) are never stupid. You often help me to think about things in a different way which is so refreshing!

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Zoe 5 May 2016 at 10:08 PM

Thanks friend 🙂 that’s why I love hanging out with you because I know you “know” me well enough to laugh at my silly comments and to “get me” when it doesn’t come out the way I had it in my head… porridge brain is real! xx

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