I have this chronic condition that’s really been a huge annoyance to my family over the years. But it’s one of those things that you will only understand if you have it too, so I don’t really expect them to understand. I wonder if you’ve heard of it.
It’s called, “NOUT”.
Does it ring any bells? Another pronunciation is “NO-OUT”, although as this is the verbally challenged toddler form of the word, so you may not be familiar with this either. Anyway, you might be aware of the symptoms. Ah yes, the symptoms dear friends are the key to unlocking the nonsense of this condition. Commonly the symptoms vary from not owning any pairs of warm shoes to clinging onto the door frame kicking and screaming as loving family members try and perform an intervention by forcefully taking you outside.
Basically, the outdoors? It’s not for you.
And not like the outdoors as in hiking up a mountain – that’s just a mild case. No, no, the chronic condition that I have includes the garden. I don’t want to sit in it. Ever.
Look, I apportion the blame onto the other chronic condition I have called “I’m A Forked Tongue Away From Being A Lizard”. Do lizards even have forked tongues? I don’t know. These analogies are getting confusing.
The long and the short of it is that I’m basically a lizard – cold blooded to the core. What’s that you say? Lizards live outside and enjoy basking in the sunshine? You just shut your mouth right now so I can keep making up silly conditions to have. Maybe that’s another condition. Flip.
In summary: I get cold easily. Going outside makes me cold. And there’s bugs. And me no likey.
Which really isn’t a problem anymore because I no longer have to watch my kids play outside in the afternoon. They’re big enough to just let loose and only drag myself away from the warmth of my book (jokes – who has time for that – I mean drag myself away from the warmth of the oven that I’m busy cooking supper in) when there’s a blood curdling scream emanating from the garden. Which is roughly every 5 – 7 minutes.
Seth on the other hand? He could live in the wild. Well, until he ran out of gym videos to watch anyway. Kidding, kidding. There’s a gym in the wild right? Kidding, kidding.
Which means that he often takes them outside to run off some extra energy in the afternoon and now that they can ride their bikes with no training wheels, it means regularly running up and down the road in front of our house.
One afternoon I had a miraculous recovery and joined them outside. With my camera.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Also, throw back to when they were first able to ride bikes at all! I think Knox was still a teeny tiny bubs then.