Even though I probably wouldn’t have actually died with this whole meningitis incident, it didn’t stop Seth and I separetely wondering what the hell we would do if I did actually ended up being worm food. Well, hang on – I’d be dead, so I wouldn’t be doing anything at all, but what about my kids? Seth?
I mean, being responsible for three kids is no joke on a good day, but what about when I’m not there to look after them? I know Seth will have it under control (let’s face it, he’d really have no choice) but it’s still really disturbing to think about isn’t it?
So, the very next week – I was actually still supposed to be in bed – but instead we headed out to go and get our wills sorted. Then this last week I updated my life insurance. Then we replaced Seths death trap of a car (that would just randomly switch off while he was turning into oncoming traffic) and I finally felt like I had my life under control. I was adulting better than I had ever adulted before.
And then I had this insatiable urge to give up everything and go live in the mountains in a handmade cabin crafted with a mixture of blood, sweat and horse manure. Where we live off the land, make clothes out of our own hair and create elaborate plays for each other to make up for the loss of series. I can just picture my kids acting out a scene from Dexter. Ah, the good life. Until a spider or a snake moves in. Then we’d have to set the house on fire and start again. That would suck, so much blood and sweat went into that building and we’ve eaten the horse. What now?
Wait, I’m rambling.
I realise that I got into this whole “being responsible” gig early. Getting married at 20, popping out some babies at 22, 23 and 26. Plus working my way into owning a business and all that goes with all of that. It comes with this really annoying perception that you always need to look like you have everything under control. But I still feel too young to be doing half of the stuff that I’m doing. Maybe I’m having a mid-life crisis but because I started “life” so early it’s happening before I even turn 30?! I don’t know.
But what I do know is that this whole being an adult business is totally overrated – if only I’d known. Maybe then I wouldn’t have grown up.
* Not that I regret any of what I have done, I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. But it’s funny how the grass ALWAYS looks greener on the other side. Thinking about the way life could have gone is always appealing because in our head it always works out perfectly – but we all know that reality is TOTALLY different to the fanciful thoughts in our heads.
OK, enough Friday ramblings.