Every year I tell myself that I am not going to lose my chill before my birthday and then every freaking year, I lose my chill before my birthday.
What’s up with that?
It’s not like I’m upset about getting older. Not at all actually. I’m pretty happy with where I am and what I have managed to accomplish so far in this life. Maybe I would have liked to travel more (or at all), but I figure we’ll get around to that eventually. When the important work of raising kids is not all up in our faces. Plus the older I get, the more comfortable I get in my skin and the less other peoples opinions seem to matter to me. I like that.
So what then? Why all the feels?
Well, after a lot of feeling junk and not knowing why, I had to sit down and have a think. Over tea. As you do. All my serious thinking is done over tea. Coffee is for waking up. Which I have to do at least 5 times a day. But not tea. Tea is reflective, don’t you think? Especially when you have buttered Salticrax with mature cheddar to enjoy with it. Mmmm, now I’m hungry.
Anyway, back to the thinking of things.
So I think I have all the feels because there are these expectations sitting deep inside my heart. I like to make a big deal out of birthdays and so I kind of hope that the same will be done for me – without me having to do it for myself or without asking for it, if you know what I mean?
But it’s not like Seth doesn’t try, he does.
So again, why the feels?
Maybe I’m just projecting my expectations unrealistically. Being too selfish. Wanting too much. Maybe wanting a birthday “month” is a bit too ambitious (I mean let’s be honest – it’s totally ridiculous. But thanks to all the social media friends who do this regularly and get it right so they make me think it’s a legit thing to want). So we’ll stick to birthday “weekend” or maybe even just birthday “day”.
Yes, that’s exactly what we’ll do. Party on Saturday with all our friends and family and then on Sunday we celebrate with a special family lunch.
Gosh darnit, writing is the best. I already feel better about it all.
Going to attempt to snap myself out of it and plan an epic Paw Patrol party for Knox (and myself).
Let’s do this thing.