The other night we found ourselves kid free and so we did what we normally do under those circumstances and ran out of the house to do something adult.
In this case it meant going to a fancy-ish restaurant where we could have a full conversation without being interrupted. We were nestled next to each other, sipping our drinks and waiting for our food when Seth declared, “I want another baby.” Obvs my reaction was that he was just saying this again to mess with me (because it’s a conversation that we have at least once or twice a month).
But he wasn’t.
He totes wants another baby.
For those of you reading this that have always had broody husbands, I can see you not understanding why it’s a big deal, so let me explain. I am the broody one. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted ALL the babies. If I could have had a honeymoon baby I would have. I COULD NOT WAIT to have babies. Lots of them. I dreamt of being pregnant and planned our baby room before we even got married. Am I being clear enough that I wanted babies? Right, moving on. In all that time, Seth obviously wanted children, but he was in no way broody. He could go on with or without kids.
And now he is broody and I’m not at all.
This is a pretty big deal for me because I know that feeling of so badly wanting a new little person and not being able to have them. I feel like I’m denying him.
So for the very first time in about 5 years, I sat down to really think about having a fourth child.
(Because, let’s be honest here – ever other bit of pining I’ve done over the last 5 years was just because I knew we were not doing this again and never actually seriously considered having another kid.).
This is what I’ve come up with. A rather in depth list of Pro’s and Con’s:
- Seth is broody and wants this kid. I too feel like they would “complete” our family, which feels like a big reason.
- Knox would have someone to play with when the girls are being all girly and “old”.
- We’d have another awesome member of our family and we’d officially be DONE done.
- I’d get baby snuggles whenever I want them.
- Maternity leave
- I feel like we may have the time and the energy for them now but the window on this is closing. It’s like a now or never sort of situation.
- I’m already not drinking alcohol because of my skin, but this would give me an extra (and better) reason.
- Great boobs – even if it’s just for a short season and they’ll probs look even worse after
- The baby clothing is just SO much cuter now than when my kids were little. So having the chance to dress them up in it will make me feel less cheated on that front.
- School fees – enough said (and don’t even ask, I’m not the stay at home mom type – my kids would learn NOTHING).
- We’d need a bigger car which we can’t actually afford and I don’t want to drive.
- No one else would be able to take our kids anywhere at the same time unless they took two separate cars (we’re super strict on car seats) and that just seems like a lot to ask. Which puts our afternoon babysitting out of the question and will probably end all future outings with family.
- The end of date nights for the foreseeable future because again, 4 is a lot to look after – especially overnight.
- Maternity leave but still having to work while juggling a newborn and three other kids! No thanks.
- We’d say goodbye to sleep even though we’ve just gotten used to having it back
- I’d gain another million kgs now that I’m just starting to feel like I’ve gotten myself back.
- I vomit all the way through the NINE months of pregnancy – so um, no thanks
- My skin would freak the flip out (historically this is what originally prompted my break outs that never cleared)
- I’d have to like, feed them and stuff – babies are hard work.
- We’ve given away ALL our baby things, so we’d be starting from scratch again.
- All our kids have a tiny gap between them, but this kid would have a FIVE year gap between Knox and them.
- I want to go to Europe next year no matter what so there may even be a 6 year gap – eeek.
- We’d probably never be able to travel with them or do lot of outings etc, because it’s already expensive with three but four will push it over the edge.
- And maybe most worryingly of all, I’d have to change the blog name!
There’s a lot more negatives than positives, which freaks me out quite a bit and makes me feel like I have made the right decision in not opening myself up to the prospect of another baby. But then, can you really put all these negatives as a price on a perfect little person? I mean, I’d certainly do it all again for the three I already have but where do you draw the line? Once you have them, you would never regret it. But does that mean that you let go of logic and just take the leap?
SO I am still left with a mountain of unanswered questions. Maybe you can help me.
Do you have four? How does it work for you logistically? If you decided to stop having kids, why? Do you regret it?