The other night I was snuggling with my only boy child and waiting for him to peacefully pass out after a long day. He cuddled into me before slowly, but surely falling asleep.
Well, that was my intention anyway.
The reality was far more like me asking him numerous times to just calm the flip down. He was up and down, demanding a book and a song and then the next second playing with yet another toy he’d hidden under his pillow.
He asked for something. I said no. He asked again. I said NO. He asked about 342 more times but I was unwaivering. The answer was NO. He didn’t seem to like that though because after that last no, he shouted right in my ear.
So I whacked him (very softly) on the leg out of shock for my now damaged ear.
He bursts into screaming tears. He cries for about 2 solid minutes before looking at me and saying, ” You da yudest Mommy in da whole World. I’m goingta tell Ga about you! You even yuder dan Daddy! Actually, you are da yudest person in da whole family!”
(yude means rude, just FYI)
Then he keeps muttering angry words at me before suddenly falling silent. After about 5 minutes he looks at me and says, “I sorwy Mommy! I sorwy dat I showted in your ear.” And then we did cuddle it out and he did fall asleep snuggled next to me like I had originally pictured.
And then I thought it was over.
But then yesterday morning I had the flipping audacity to give him a Barbie yoghurt instead of a Spiderman one. I know right?! What the hell is wrong with me?! What the flip was I thinking?!
I insisted that he eat it though, because I had already opened it. To which he started his whole “yude Mommy” tirade. It culminated in, “Mommy if you are yude to me gen, den I am going to leave dis house. I going to leave for TEN YEARS! I won’t come back.”
Knox with his best fake smile telling me why he didn’t make it to the top of the tyres this time: “Mom do you know dat I can do dat, but not today. I can only do dis on Mondays. Cause why, on Mondays I have lotsa energy and den I can do dis. Do you know dat Mom?! Only Mondays. I show you when it’s Monday. If I twy now den I’ll fall THREE metres! Not actually I fall 69 metres! And den I’ll hurt my body and I don’t wanna do dat so I show you Monday OK Mom? “
But it doesn’t end there. I have been sharing a few other moments on Twitter and Instagram over the last few months. Here’s a few that others:
Ga mentioned to him that she had a sore back and legs. He looks at her and says, “Dats what happens when you get old Ga!”
Randomly sitting cuddling my son.
Knox: “Mom, your boobies are fat but not your tummy.”
Never a dull moment with this kid.
— Cindy Alfino (@CindyAlfino) February 17, 2017
“Mom, if you don’t let me have dis ting den tomorrow when I have to draw my family at tool, den I’m gonna make you a circle!” #parenting
— Cindy Alfino (@CindyAlfino) February 15, 2017