Oh internet. You have done it again.
Just yesterday I was reading fantastic blog posts about how we need more imperfect parenting in our lives (thanks B for bringing it up – I totes agree with everything she mentioned). We tend to show everyone the good things and not really acknowledge the bad things – it’s a problem yo. But I’d just finished reading that post when I was then told that some people are so negative they should rather close their accounts.
So where does that leave us then?
A couple of weeks ago now, my friend and I were chatting about the perceptions we create of ourselves online. And then I just casually mused something like, “I wonder what people think of me?” And so then she told me. Because people tend to talk to her about things like that and well, I asked. I was honestly quite shocked. Apparently the general consensus is that we (or rather I) create this impression of being “perfect”. I literally laughed out loud because like, what the flip people? Can’t you even read? I talk about all the crap I have to deal with all the time. My friend then mentioned that I happen to do it with humour, so maybe it’s not perceived the way it actually is. Or maybe no one actually reads this blog at all.
Either way, this has been floating around in my head for weeks now. I hate that I may be giving the impression that I have it all together. Because honestly I really don’t. And if this perception of me looking like I have it all together is making you feel like you don’t, then I am even more gutted. That is NOT how I want you to feel. Ever. Because if you have been reading this blog for any length of time, I’d hope you’d know me a little bit better by now.
But back to the internet.
You aren’t allowed to only show the good things in your life because then you are basically unrelatable but if you happen to be going through a rough time and all you do is mention negative things, then you should rather just stop. I think both have their own valid argument. But at the same time, your social is your own and if others don’t like it, then welcome to the unfollow button am I right?
The thing with being a blogger (but also a person who actually enjoys connecting on social), is that I tend to connect with a lot of diverse people on the various platforms. Which means that I am constantly scrolling through the highlights reel of the people I went to school with, work with or knew from some distant function I went to that time I was 16.
Then I also choose to follow people that I don’t know but feel like I can identify with. Or that make me think. Or that just give me that giggle when I need it. But somewhere in all of that are people that I choose to follow because they share beautiful content. So beautiful that they make me less content with my kids who flat out refuse to wear anything I choose for them unless I bribe them with some kind of treat. I’ve personally been struggling with this because I tend to follow some really curated accounts. Accounts where it is their JOB to produce amazing looking content. I mean how can I even compare myself to that? I can’t. And I shouldn’t. So I’m taking away that temptation to feel less than…
I’ve stopped following all those perfectly curated Instagram accounts.
— Cindy Alfino (@CindyAlfino) July 4, 2017
It’s been quite liberating.
Now, in case you feel like I don’t share enough of my real life, let me enlighten you as to a few things that I have completely messed up in parenting – just in the last couple of weeks.
- My girls need navy blue gumboots in order to play outside during break. Has the school told me this about one bajillion times? Yup? Have I looked for gumboots? Yup, that one time I thought about it. Do they have navy blue gumboots? Nope. So do they play outside during break (on wet muddy days)? Nope.
- We no longer have a discipline technique that works with Knox in order to get him to actually eat his vegetables. It used to be that the threat of a smack would get him chowing down so quickly, but then the other day he said, “OK, smack me. I want to see how it feels today”. Which kind of means that he’d rather get the smack than eat the veg. So then we resorted to taking away his most precious toys (all the Paw Patrol and Superhero’s). Did he eat his vegetables last night? Nope.
- I’m considering going back to feeding my ALMOST FIVE YEAR OLD in order to get him to actually freaking eat.
- We have takeaway at least twice a week. There I said it. If it’s not Monks Chinese, it’s fish and chips and sometimes even Steers burgers. Life is hectic yo, I just don’t always get to making it from scratch. And also, I like takeaways.
- Knox used to sleep the whole night in his own bed, but since it’s been Winter, he is back in bed with us in the early hours of every morning. I know I should take him back to his bed but it’s cold and I don’t want to. I’m lazy like that. So instead we all have a totally crap sleep, which includes trying to maintain my pillow space, not fall off the 5 cm I have to lie on at the edge of the bed and having our blankets kicked off every 10 seconds.
- Sometimes I skip bathing them for a day. I tell myself I’m trying to help with the drought but in reality it’s because I’m lazy, I’ve planned the day badly and we’ve run out of time or I just totally forget.
- We regularly run out of nice things to put in their lunch boxes. Because we don’t do bread it really takes a toll. I’m not sure how long they can survive on a couple rice crackers and fumes.
- There are occasions that my kids ask me to play with them and I say no. Not because I’m busy, but because I don’t want to. Then I potter around the kitchen looking busy until they go away.
- On the weekends I let them watch hours of safe TV so that I can sleep in in peace. I don’t even feel bad that by the time I arise, their eyes are rectangles.
- I hate their rooms – everything is a mess, totally mismatched and just small. In fact I feel like this about everything in our house except for the lounge, which is why all our pictures are in front of the fire place. AKA, the only picture perfect looking place in our house.
There you have it. I hope that makes you feel just a little bit better about everything? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this and whether you struggle like I do?
37 comments
Yay! Thanks for the honesty. I do lots of these but definitely this one: “There are occasions that my kids ask me to play with them and I say no. Not because I’m busy, but because I don’t want to. Then I potter around the kitchen looking busy until they go away.” xxx
LOL – I’m so glad I’m not the only one!
I don’t have kids yet, but I am sure that people have their own ideas about me. I post about my husband, travelling and eating out. What no one knows is that I work ALL THE TIME and treating myself to a holiday or a good meal is how I stay sane. Thanks for sharing.
Exactly this!! It’s easy to come across like all you do is eat, drink and be merry but we all have to work damn hard to get there. And no one wants to see pictures of someones office every day!
I deleted my Twitter, Facebook and Snapchat apps off my phone about a month ago. I started feeling super anxious all the time and I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, and it’s not a problem that I have ever had in my life. I realised that the constant notifications and this obsession I had created with looking at what everyone else was doing was driving me crazy. I now check social media when I have the time, usually before bed, and you know what – I have realised just how boring it is. The status updates etc that used to have me so intrigued are actually pretty boring.
I have kept Instagram, I love that app. I also deleted the accounts that just don’t speak my language and the rest are amazing. I love following your accounts, you have never made me feel like you have it all together, actually quite the opposite (but in a good way). In a ‘Im a working mom/wife of 3 children and my life is hectic’ kind of way. As a fellow working mom/wife I can totally relate to your posts. Except the 3 kids thing, I only have one and I honestly don’t know how you do it!
P.S try those Gordon Ramsey meals on Knox, they are FULL of hidden veggies and taste pretty awesome.
GOOD LUCK WITH LIFE CINDY!
Seth has also deleted so many of these apps of his phone. I just can’t do it but I totally get that anxiety thing you’re talking about. It’s so frustrating. Because I am genuinely happy for people so I don’t know why I just end up feeling crap. I’m totally going to try the Gordon Ramsey meals – THANK YOU!!
I feel that your blogposts are very real actually! I have a good laugh when I see that you experience very much of the same things that I do in my own house. But thanks for that rundown of your “real life” 🙂 We’re all human, we’re all going t hrough the same thing, don’t stress.
Totally – but how often we forget that everyone has bills to pay and tears shed over something new. I think it might be because you actually read the blog posts that you know it’s not only about fluff, which makes you pretty damn awesome!
In response to your point above:
1. PnP has navy gumboots.
2. I’ve resorted to letting the Toddler eat his dinner in front of the TV. Still will only eat about 1/3 of it and then scoff 2 slices of bread. But he’s eatign and I’ve made peace with that.
3. So what if he doesn’t eat? really truely? Just let it go and take all the pressure off and see what happens? (Everyone has days when they’re just not hungry). Try to squash the mom-guilt about not having fed your child!
4. Dude if we weren’t so broke I’d be all about the wacky Wednesday…
5. My hubby and I haven’t shared the same bed all night in months. Baby sleeps with me. Hubby sleeps with the toddler.
6. I always bath the kids. Me…? Not so much. I forget.
7. I put nice things in the lunchbox. it comes home. I put the same boring thing in…it gets eaten.
8. I also don’t like playing with my kid. He’s so competitive and I hate walking on eggshells so he doesn’t end up in a sulk. So I tell him I’m working and then read facebook.
9. Toddler is watching Bubble Guppes as I sit here.
10. Your lounge is gorgeous and the kids don’t know what they’re missing xx
Tara you’re the best – thank you for sharing!! As a side I’ve checked every single PnP that I go to and I can’t find them anywhere! It’s so frustrating!!!
My fav “There are occasions that my kids ask me to play with them and I say no. Not because I’m busy, but because I don’t want to. Then I potter around the kitchen looking busy until they go away.” thanks for the post Cindy – Love realness
Such a pleasure! Thank you for reading!
Lol Cindy, I love how you made a list of things that prove you’re not perfect… and your lis is basically my list!!
Don’t let other people’s opinions of you get you down. You do seem like you have it all together, not in a “perfect life” kinda way but in a way where there’s just so much going on and somehow you manage it all. <3
I’m glad your list is similar – it makes me feel like I’m not totally dropping the ball because you’re awesome!!
Hi Cindy
I absolutely love your posts…each and every one!! The main reason I follow you is because I have always felt that you are “real”.
Perhaps it’s also because I am in a similar boat to you.. My youngest baby is a boy (3 months old) and I have two older daughters..4 and 2, nevermind the 2 dogs..and the old house too (that we constantly renovate)..So I feel I can relate! And to be honest your posts make me feel better and remind me that I am not the only one thats trying to keep my sh#t together every day!
#thestruggleisreal
I absolutely love this post!
Thanks for always keeping it real!
xxx
I loved this post! So real and down to earth! I laughed out load to most of your points cos I can totally relate!!!!!
I did a room make-over for my two boys last week (11yo and 2 and a halfish) They need to share because their sister gets her own room. The littlest kid slept in his own bed for three hours. He called, I fetched him, and his bed has been perfectly made since last week Wednesday. Its cool…I’m cool.. He watches Peppa Pig on YouTube every evening before he sleeps. That’s also fine. In a matter of 4 days we had: Spur, Steers, Dominos, KFC, R800 worth of Woollies flippen soup, and John Dorys. Nobody died. As for your girls- I once emptied my Lea’s entire room except for the furniture. How can one little (9yo) be so freakin messy? Things are a lot better since then…but my crazy peeped out. Never strive to be a perfect parent, rather be real. Its so much better than all that curated BS anyway <3
That is a brilliant idea!! I think I’m just going to take everything out their rooms – this is gold – thank you! Also that week of take out sounds like a flipping dream to me right now – what even is cooking 😉
I’ve been thinking about this too. The “perfect” moms with their “perfect” Instagram accounts and “perfect” blogs. It took me a long time to work through it and not let it affect my own blogging or Instagram posting. I was constantly feeling like I couldn’t compare my life with theirs and that there was no way I could compete with that level of “perfectness”.
I need to work on my own list of failings as well. No one is perfect and our lives are all a mess. Some are just better at hiding the imperfect parts.
“Sometimes I skip bathing them for a day. I tell myself I’m trying to help with the drought but in reality it’s because I’m lazy, I’ve planned the day badly and we’ve run out of time or I just totally forget.” – Me too girl. Me too!
I have no desire to read “not-real” stuff, it just doesn’t resonate with me at all so the only stuff I follow gives a pretty balanced view of the chaos of real life wife/mom/work/human being balance. I’m ok with takeouts 3 times a week, or stocking up on woolies ready meals. At this stage keeping everyone in the house alive is a win, so if that means we’re all in the same bed every night or we’re eating chicken nuggets in front of peppa pig, whatevs. I’m over the Pinterest bday parties and in every selfie I try take with my kid one of us has a massive head, but that stuff doesn’t make our time together more or less fun. Thanks for keeping it real, you just keep doing you.
Ok so, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… we all love you. Not because you’re perfect or come across perfect at all, but because you are so real and so you! For reals yo, don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t change a thing. You got to where you are because you are always yourself and so relatable to us ‘normal’ folks. When I think about the SM that is trying to create this ‘picture perfect’ lifestyle, I think about Reese Witherspoon on instagram… seriously go and have a look at that. Her PR team do a fantastic job haha. You just keep being you, it’s awesome I promise 🙂
And P.S My 10month old is wearing the same vest for the 2nd day because she screams blue murder if I try to take it off and last night I just didn’t have the patience for the drams so she skipped her bath and got washed with her vest on by me sticking a cloth up underneath it. #watersaving. You are not alone!
Umm, does anyone have it all together?
My kids don’t eat vegetables – at all, unless you count cucumber (and my son eats tomato).
I do the same with my “princess” in the early morning, in fact she calls me to go lie with her and I say no rather come to my bed. I think a lot of us take short cuts, or do whatever it is to make things work. Life is busy and there is so much pressure to be perfect because we see perfect in TV programs, social media,etc. All this has done is create a world were people feel inadequate to some degree.
love your post. love the honesty. I have 3yo LG, my life is organised chaos! Ok not organised, just chaos! I havent really ever found your blog to be making your life sound likes its “perfect”. Keep up the posts, i love reading them would i should be cooking supper or some other mom chore 😉
Thank you for Sharing and being Real! I love reading your Blog. I feel I don’t meet many of my parenting goals but when I look at my daughter I know she is happy 🙂
Reading this post has definitely made me feel a little better about my parenting and my social media. Who really has it all together, all the time, in any case? Thanks for sharing! Megan xx
I always enjoy reading your posts, but this one especially made me laugh and lifted my spirits a little after a long, hard week with two littlies. Thanks for sharing with us.
Love this post, iam a huge fan of ur blog always keeping it real and i always have a good giggle
Hey Cindy been following u for about a year and ur one of the very few blogs I actually make the time to read…. Be coz ur real… U don’t just talk about ur hair or ur kids or you you you. I also kinda think we are all at fault of just sharing the good on social media…. Re:Knox try hiding the veg… Make chicken meatballs and grate baby marrow in… Well I gese baby marrow into lots of meals… Bolonaise, Mac and cheese…. Also a slow cooker is a great investment just follow recipes don’t wing it. All in all don’t worry about people, like u said if they don’t like it they can unfollow.. U do u
I had such a good giggle reading your list! Love reading your blog as I find you share real, relatable stuff. I can definitely relate to skipping baths for my son at least once a week (and it’s not because I forget) I deliberately do it so I can have at least one evening off from one of the tasks on my mom’s to do list and I pray that we can have bed time wrapped up earlier so I can watch something on the tele. Watching uninterrupted TV for any amount of time in my house has become a luxury. Please continue to share the realness of your life as it really makes my day reading your posts! P.s. when you were away on holiday, I missed reading your blog!
Love everything about it!!!
Hilarious about photos in lounge – it does look like perfect deco so one ssumes rest of your house is equally together and when I look at my upside down mismatched nothing working home it’s depressing….not that I’m deliberately comparing but it does set an impression that I’m falling short of the norm – there you have it ..your blog is relatable and enjoyable because it’s so normal…dig it …keep up the awesome blog ?
I loved reading this Post! My favourite part must be “sometimes I skip bathing them for the day!” All in all it made me laugh so much and so well (while sipping on my deliciously hot coffee); because this is real! This is motherhood in all its beautiful glory! I loved the part you wrote about not wanting to play with your kids! I can relate….. I love my 2 monkeys but sometimes all I want is for them to occupy each other while I drink a cup of coffee or 2 for 10 minutes!
And so my 2 week holiday begins!
“Going Under” is a factory shop with branches in Salt River, Lansdowne, Ottery and some other places. They currently stock navy blue rain boots if you’re interested. I also don’t bath my kids every day and blame water restrictions!
love the looking busy part…nothing quite stops you from procrastinating than that dreaded question to play…again…
I have been reading and following your blog because you are real. I also deleted quite a few accounts that don’t inspire me but rather leave me feeling down.
I don’t have any kids yet and love reading how you navigate life with a family.
The thing with social media is that it is merely a window into someone’s life and the reader choses to take what they want from it.
I think your skin journey was quite a brave thing to do in a world that can be superficial and where we can buy almost anything and do a no make up look… you know what I mean… yet you bare it all and it has probably helped my people.
I laughed out loud reading …’There are occasions that my kids ask me to play with them and I say no. Not because I’m busy, but because I don’t want to. Then I potter around the kitchen looking busy until they go away.’
Keep up the good work, Cindy.
One word that I would always use to describe you is REAL.
You are real about every aspect of your life, and it is one of the main reasons I keep coming back to your blog – as well as you being so relatable as a fellow momma. x