On the 21st of September, Seth and I celebrated being together for 14 whole years.
Guys, that’s two years shy of spending half my life with this man. Pretty freaking crazy huh? We met when I was 16, It seems like forever ago now. It’s the full life span of a chicken, fox or flying squirrel (how’s that for some useless information for you?!)
As usual these big dates don’t fill a full thought process in my mind but there’s a lot going on in the back of my brain. This time my little old brain started noticing that in every single book I read, it was about a brand new romance. That spark. Those butterflies. That weird electric shock feeling where every single sense receptor in your body sets on fire when you touch. And I get it, that beginning phase is awesome.
There’s a lot going on in that early phase. Getting to know each other is exciting – talking forever and really wanting to get to know the inner most workings of your new partner. You seem to have endless energy, going out together late into the night and then connecting again early in the morning. And that’s not even talking about the obvious physical attraction and the hormones that go totally whack. It’s all just so new and freaking wonderful. Like I say, I get it.
But what I’m struggling to find is stories about people that stick it out. That are together for years and years and really live out their marriage vows. Have you come across books like that? Ones that don’t end in imminent tragic death? I haven’t found any. And I think it’s really weird.
(But honestly I also haven’t looked all that hard).
Why is it so weird? Well generally speaking (excluding all the “woke” folks out there) this is possibly the ultimate relationship goal right? To find your forever mate and then live out life together as you raise children, before settling into your favourite chair on your stoep and shouting at all the children on your lawn. It’s what we aspire to. We look at people celebrating their 30th or 40th or 50th wedding anniversary and think, ‘Wow, I want to get there!”. Or maybe that’s just me. But I really do want to get there.
Anyway, despite the fact that we have this whole need for the butterflies and everyone pushing those feelings of newness, I’m so happy that I am still with Seth. It hasn’t always been easy to stick it out this long and we’ve definitely had our up’s and down’s, but I love this familiar phase that we are in. Where we know almost everything about each other. Where we’re not worried about breaking up or farting in front of each other (yes, I just openly admitted to farting in front of my husband – oh the drama).
That’s not to say that this phase is easy. And I think that’s where I am going with this whole post. In the beginning you think that making your relationship work is the most difficult part. But I’d go out on a limb to say that that may actually be the easiest. You’re more forgiving, you try harder, you care more, you have those rose coloured glasses firmly placed over your love balls. But the longer you’re together, the easier it is to take the other for granted, to try less, to be more focused on the mistakes and to care less. It takes a lot more effort to make sure that you’re still connecting in between demanding jobs, busy children and life stress.
But guys, it’s SO worth it. I can’t and don’t want to imagine doing life with anyone other than Seth. The little life that we have going on together rocks my socks off. Like a fine wine, it’s just getting better with age!
Here’s to long relationships and sticking it out! Cheers!
(This has been on my mind a while, so here’s a thread about all the best things in long term relationships. Go add more if that’s your vibe)
What if we make this a thread of all the things we love about our long term relationships.
— Cindy Alfino (@CindyAlfino) August 16, 2017