Even though I really enjoy writing about all the places and the things we got up to while we were there, it doesn’t have the real release that blogging should have. At least not for me. I mean it’s helpful as heck to have those records to look back on and for you guys to check out if you are planning a holiday in the same place, but I have feelings that need to be shared. So many of them. Which is why I started this here blog in the first place. So get ready for some emotions yo.
A while back someone asked me what it is like to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and now 74 days on the road with your husband. All up in each others faces, ALL – THE – TIME. From dawn till dusk and beyond. Especially considering that before this trip we were a pretty average couple. We’d see each other about 4 hours in the evening before bed and if we’re lucky an hour in the morning before work. Though the weekends were different and we did spend that together usually.
The answer on how the change is?
It’s weird. Freaking weird. And different.
I freaking love Seth to death. He’s my person. I can’t explain it in words. We just get each other and have a pretty great relationship most of the time. We know when to give each other space and when to give the other a few choice words to snap them back into reality and stop them being a monumental chop. We like spending lots of time together. We always have. Even when we were dating, we were pretty much inseparable. Even 15 years later this hasn’t changed. Strangely the issue for us is not really spending all that time together. We do that with ease and relatively minimal arguments (although heated conversations about directions or where to eat/what to do/why I take so long to get ready in the morning don’t factor into that minimal OK?!).
The issue is something else. Something I can’t quite put my finger on.
What is it man? Spit it out woman!
OK, OK, well I think it’s that for some reason I thought it would be one long date night. That we’d get so many chances to have those long conversation about life that leave you feeling connected and inspired. I mean we’re together pretty much every second of the day right?! These situations should present themselves pretty much on the hourly. And if we’re not having chats that leave us warm and fuzzy then at least we should be able to sneak off and um, get heated every now and then.
Well, it’s totally not like that. Like at all. I’m not going to touch on the rocking the campervan yet, but I can only remember one time that we’ve managed to have a proper, uninterrupted conversation that left me feeling connected. And that was basically in the middle of the night when neither of us could sleep.
But it’s not like we’re not talking or open to having these chats. It’s not like we’re not snuggling or being intimate. It’s flipping weird man. I can’t explain what I mean. Maybe it’s because these conversations are all watched by three sets of little eyes and three sets of listening ears, which means they’re not as deep or personal. Or actually, they’re probably just interrupted.
The result though, is that I don’t know how it’s possible, but I feel even less connected than before. But not in a way that’s bad. It’s just different. Like, I can’t ask what he did today and get regaled with stories about the office because I know exactly what he did today. I did it with him. I can’t share special moments of my day either because he was probably right next to me. There’s no reason to chat because, we’ve done everything together. We don’t have date nights anymore, where we do things that are special just to us and not the whole family. Although doing things as a family is not being discounted at all, it’s freaking awesome.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this, other than spewing words onto a page for everyone to read and then silently judge our marriage. But I guess that’s not that much different from everything else I put out, sooooo…
In conclusion… It’s flipping great to spend every day with your partner. It is. I love seeing his handsome face when I look up from my computer and watch him teaching our children. I love being able to share a high five when Optimus makes it to the next stop. I love being able to pull him over for a cuddle whenever I need it. I love sharing all of our every day experiences and our first experiences together. There’s something incredibly wonderful about that, that cannot ever be played down.
It’s just different. Not different bad, just different and we’re going to learn how to adapt and make it better. We always do.