Spending time with my kids playing Uno or watching them splash in the pool or trying not to smash them while playing swing ball. Laughing at their jokes (intentional and otherwise) and watching them sleep.
With three of them it is quite easy to constantly have one of them on my mind. Thinking about them, helping them, playing with them, talking to them, disciplining them, laughing with them, feeding them, bathing them, transporting them. It kind of never ends. Although the same could probably be said with just one kid.
And rightly so. Your whole universe changes when you have a baby. Suddenly you can’t just go out for cocktails straight after work because the sunset looks amazing (or you don’t feel like cooking). Your priorities morph to looking after this little person and that always takes priority.
The problem though, is that often as Moms, we tend to forget the big person in our lives that contributed roughly half the goods that it takes to make that little person. Our husbands get the second best, drained versions of ourselves.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. Relationships that can survive looking at each other with blood shot eyes and strained words about whose turn it is to look make the next bottle/changed the explosive nappy/clean up this round of vomit are probably pretty good. I could talk forever about all these expectations that I had for Seth when he became a Dad, how I never voiced them to him and then resented him for things he never knew that I even wanted him to do. All small, trivial and stupid things. But raging hormones can make you crazy yo.
Why am I telling you this? Well I just want to let you know that I’ve been there. I hear you. I feel you.
I’ve been there in tears while my toddler screamed, with vomit all over the bathroom – not even a smidge of supper made. My make up smeared – or even worse, no make up at all (let’s all once again appreciate what Seth had to look at every morning and the fact that he never ran away), in my pajamas with dirty hair. I’ve been there when your husband comes home and absolutely nothing is done but just making it through the day was an accomplishment in and of itself.
You know that saying that makes you want to punch people in the throat like Melissa McCarthy in Identity Thief. Come on you know it. Do I have to say it? OK… Just don’t throat punch me the next time you see me… This too shall pass.
It really will. I could hardly even remember those days when I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and never leave again. Sometimes I want to do it now, but it’s for entirely different reasons because the old reasons are no longer a thing. Because they passed… Yes maybe they were replaced with new frustrations, like the whining – please for the love of all that is sweet and good in this World, make the whining stop.
So really now, what am I getting at?
In the MIDST of these hardships/trails/frustrations that we feel as we become parents or continue to parent – it is VITAL that we schedule time to spend with the person that actually matters most in your family… Your husband/spouse/partner.
Think about it.
One day your kids will be big and move out of the house (indulge me here – we won’t have the kids that live with us until they are 35) and you will be left to spend endless amount of time staring straight into your partners eyes. If you have let the love, honour, commitment die then you’re going to have a really hard time keeping it all together. Plus our kids don’t need us to be there every single second of the day, they need to learn that Mommy and Daddy loving each other is important to – another thing that we need to show them by example.
Making sure you keep that love alive could be very different for every couple. For us, we dedicate our evenings to spending time together. Once the kids are in bed, we settle into the couch and make sure that we spend that time together. It’s pretty freaking sacred. If something encroaches onto this time it needs to stop, like immediately. We’re also pretty lucky in that we have a village. Which means that we have a really great support structure in terms of family that can look after our kids. In practise this enables us to go out for a date night once a week. THIS makes me beyond happy. I look forward to it all week and love the uninterrupted time with my man.
But I get it. Not all of us can go out for a date night. We don’t all have a village.
So to help you to spend this slice of time alone with your partner, I have thought up 3 different date night ideas that you can do from the comfort of your own home. Pretty neat huh?
Pop over and take a look at them in the Spar Savour Magazine.